[Readers - The following is Part 2. Part 1 was run last Saturday. - Bro Jo]
Dear Bro Jo,
So I talked to a friend from church about it, and she was telling me how the yw pres was telling her that she HAD to go on all the hikes we'll do at girl's camp this year. It's not possible because she has health problems, but they're like "Oh, you're healthy enough!". She's not.
The yw leaders never try to call me and tell me what's going on for mutual or anything like that. I always end up having to call someone to find out what, when, and where it is because no one tells me otherwise. When I've asked the leaders about stuff they say, "If you were at church on Sunday, you would know." Even back when I couldn't wake up for church if I tried.
I doubt it will help but here's a little background on me: I've been homeschooled for 7 years, my parents got divorced when I was 9, my dad is a jerk and hasn't really gone to church since I was 6 or so, I've moved like 4 times within 4 years, the 2nd youngest of 6, and am usually left out of things. My oldest 3 siblings haven't gone to church in years, and my brother seems to be atheist or agnostic. I'm not sure which.
I will not quit the church like they have, I'm just having a really hard time trying to go when most of the youth/leaders don't care and are so superficial. I've felt like I was completely separate from most of them even when I was going to church weekly. Not better, just separated. Maybe cut off and out. I get along ok with most of them usually, but we're not friends by any means. Except 2 or 3 of them, maybe. We're not really good friends, though. Not feeling like I belong is nothing new. The only place I recently felt like I kind of belonged (other than at home... sometimes) was at work.
This past Wednesday was the combined yw/ym activity. There was only one person that I felt alright around. Everyone else just feels so much younger and kinda thoughtless. It's all "boys/girls, joke around, school, goof off, hit people" and stuff. I want to have an intelligent conversation with someone for once. It's impossible with most of them. I mean if they wanted to, they probably could. But they don't. They only care about how hot so and so is (<--the 12-15 year old girls) or who they can annoy (<-- the 12-15 year old boys). Every time I'm around them, it just gets worse. I've really, really tried to just fake it and deal with it but I can't anymore. I'm going insane. (Seriously, I could probably benefit from seeing a therapist for multiple reasons, not just this.)
That probably doesn't explain it, but that's at least some of it... I think.
- Name Withheld
Dear NW,
I appreciate the additional information, but I’m going to stand by my original advice: I think you’re being too hard on people.
It’s outstanding that you’re firm in your testimony and faith, for that I’m very proud of you!
But your judgmental nature is driving wedges between you and others that just shouldn’t be there.
Are the younger boys at Church often immature? Yeah, they are!
Are some people only superficially interested in you instead of having sincere concern? They might.
Are you struggling with your family? Welcome to the club! (I love my wife and kids and parents and siblings, but if you think everything is dancing trees and signing flowers at the Jo house you’re sorely mistaken.)
But here’s one thing where you must not error: don’t let feelings of loneliness or frustration separate you from the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Once you jump that fence you’ll realize two things: the grass ain’t green and the fence is a lot taller than you think.
I'm not saying to be fake, and I'm not saying there aren't brats in your Young Women's group; what I AM saying is that you need to find a way to be yourself, to be kind and open, and to not let the many of us around you that are imperfect become your excuse for falling away.
- Bro Jo
PS: If you feel that you need to see a therapist, talk to your Bishop. He’s not a therapist, but Church Social Services likely will have someone you can see that will help.
1 comment:
This is gonna be long so watch out ---
I am a mom of a teen now but I felt like an outsider in the youth program also.
We had a very large YW when I was twelve and then they split our ward and it was very small 5-6 total active YW.
I was the oldest of 7 and my dad worked for the Church so we were very poor, I was very shy and tended to keep to myself.
I was abt 13-14 when one of the "popular" girls said something mean and I held it in til I got home and cried and said I'm never going back.
I had probably my first real talk with God when I felt him say "are going to let someone else control your Eternal salvation ?"
As the oldest in my family I was used to bossing my siblings around and trying to get them to do chore etc so I pulled myself up and went to church the next week and basically took anything this young woman said and just let it roll off my back.
When I was 17 they disolved my ward and put the 2 halves into 2 wards and she went into 1 and I the other; both had large YW programs and we were the oldest with a ton of beehives.
Soon after the ward split/ dissolve etc her family moved but they stayed in the school boundaries. I still saw her at school but not anywhere else
I made friends with kids from my school. but it wasn't until I was in collage that I started coming out of my shell.
Sometimes I still find myself with an attitude of I'm not "the perfect happy Mormon" But that's ok there are people in the wards I have been in later in life that can see me and will stop and ask are you OK? and give me a hug or stop by to see how I am doing just out of the blue. I am active in the Church and teach the Sunday School for the youth and in the Stake YW sports program director.
What I am trying to say is that even though it might be hard now keep up with it you don't have to fake the smile but go knowing that the Savior is glad you are there and as you get older it will get better there will be people you can have intelligent conversations with, but more than intelligent make it spiritual.
Maybe see if you can teach one of the YW lessons or the Sunday School Lessons I think the teacher would be really appreciative. It would give you a chance to serve and a chance to teach.
Good luck and don't give up.
The end really is worth it If you are on the Lord's side.
Who are you going to let determine your Eternal Salvation ? you or someone else.
A sister in the gospel
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