Dear Bro Jo,
I'm 20 and I know I should have most things in life figured out, but when I met the missionaries that introduced me to the church "John" and "Paul" they were just ending their mission and when they did they both started talking to me in great amounts.
I thought it was just to make sure I was going to Church on a regular basis but then they both asked me on a date because I moved to (location withheld) which is where they live.
One is 20 minutes away, the other is 30. I have been on four dates with them both and honestly they seem exactly identical. They wanted to do the same things on each date (though yes it was all in a different order).
"John" called me up one night and asked if I wanted to go to the movies and I said yes (at the time I didn’t know either of them liked me). When we went to the movies and he put an arm around me and started to hold my hand as well. He was a gentleman about the whole thing though and asked if I felt comfortable. (yes I did of course) Then he walked me home because we wanted to go for a walk to talk.
He told me that when he got off his mission he felt the great need to talk to me and spent hours looking for a way to do so. When we got to my house my head was spinning cause I have been developing feelings for him for about 2 months now.
Well when I got home that night "Paul" had left me a text message confession how he felt about me. Well . . . me and him went to the movies as well me and him have clicked really well since we met. The second third and fourth date went the same way.
Both guys seem almost identical. They are sweet, caring, they listen, they share the same likes and dislikes, and they are both apart of the Church. They were the ones who gave me my first Book of Mormon. They make me laugh and are easy to talk to. I love hanging out with them and they are both gentlemen.
I’m not sure what to do. I have very strong feelings for both of them. The same kind of feelings. They know that I have feelings for both of them and I told them about each other and the feelings I have and they are okay with it they just want me to be happy and will support my decision.
- Unsure
Dear Unsure,
Hi!
Glad you found my email address.
So it sounds like your question is "which boy do I pick?" - is that right?
You know . . . your Facebook page says you're in a relationship with "John" . . .
What does that mean?
- Bro Jo
4 comments:
Consider "none of the above" as an option. I would be very hesitant about any missionary who allowed himself to develop a romantic attachment to an investigator, and while it is possible didn't have inappropriate feelings while they were serving, it still looks bad. I would advise my daughter that there are millions of fish in the sea, and passing on these two so she won't have to spend eternity wondering about how honorably her husband fulfilled his obligation to the Lord would be the safest course of action.
I would say continue to date them both non-exclusively. I had the opportunity to serve around a myriad of missionaries, as most who serve missions do, and no two were "exactly alike". Even one of my companions who had many incredibly similar personality traits as I did would not be considered my identical. The more time you spend with someone, the more their true colors will show.
I would consider the things that I like and dislike about each one of them (that you haven't mentioned) they can't be completly alike. Based on those things, I would really think about what I can live with and without. I would trully think and pray about what aspects of them that make me happy and are you really happy.
Also I would be worried about them being "alike" in your eyes, because for some reason I have it in my head that you should always be with the one that pops out in your mind. Maybe not the most attractive and etc, just the one that you feel a closer connection with and is more special to you.
It might not even be either of them.
I would get to know them better too just in case though.
Brother Jo has mentioned before that sometimes we get the Spirit confused with love (and that's one of the reasons we're not supposed to go on temple dates until after we're married).
So, what I'm wondering is... Is it possible that your feelings aren't so much attraction as they are gratitude for introducing you to the Church?
(I think it's very possible, but you know yourself and it's something to think about...)
Either way, though, I'd take things slow. They were companions at the end of their missions and they both like you. It's just a little... I don't know.
I know several people who married returned missionaries who had served in their wards, so I'm not saying it doesn't work, but I'd recommend really praying to know if you should be pursuing the possibility of a relationship with either of them.
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