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Friday, July 27, 2012

3 Years Old Inside, 16 Years Old Outside

Dear Bro Jo,

YOU'RE AMAZING!! Thanks for all the advice you give to everyone! You seriously seem to know EVERYTHING!

Well let me start out with introducing myself.

The best way to start a friendship is to say "hi" so "hi there!!!"

I am a 16 year old girl known for smiling and being happy. I'm 3 years old at heart. But the confusing thing is...is how on earth does a 3 year old get herself into SO much drama. seriously it's crazy. all the drama going on...well you'll see

OK so I have about a kabijillionmillionthousandalonion questions (never hear of that number? ..me neither....)

Well first of all there's this boy....actually these 4 boys....

I'm one of those girls who hangs out with the guys because she's sick of hearing "AAA THAT GIRL IS WEARING THE SAME SHOES AS ME!!!"

Guy number 1 - I have been crushing on since I was 10....but he moved away. He still really likes me though and we are in contact everyday and see eachother usually once a month. He plans on marrying me and is already figuring that we should start planning on what to name our kids

Guy number 2 - was guy number 1's best friend when he lived here. Guy number 2 likes me...a lottttttttttt.....and with guy number 1 being away ive developed quite the crush on him as well. though that doesn't cancel out any feelings for guy number 1. Guy number 2 is kinda sneaky and dishonest...and I hate that. A lot.

Here's where the questions concerning these two come in.

Well both guys have kissed me.

Guy number 1 saw it as something really special and never told anybody. We actually decided not to tell anybody because it would be nice to keep it between us, and we also didn't want to give people the impression that we were exclusively dating because we don't want to get into that until after his mission

Guy number 2 told his best friends...who spread it to their best friends...and now most the people in my stake know. Which I didn't like at allllll...but the thing that makes me a little bit upset is the word he used. "making out.". uhhh...yuck. I really don't like that phrase. and to be completely honest we have kissed two or three times. and the last time toward the end of it there was a bit of tongue...but that's when I stopped the kissing because I didnt want such a physical relationship when I'm so little!!! I'm only 16!! He's 18..so he's ready for a bit more...but still.

I don't like that he used the term "making out" because it usually implies a lot more. And my guess it it has kind of ruined my reputation.

Do you have any thoughts on this? is the fact that i have been kissed okay? obviously i don't want to get into passionate kissing or anything...but a little peck on the lips...is that fine?

Guy number 3 likes me....not much drama there. We're like best friends. He gets super close to me. Mostly I dont even notice until someone points it out. But lately its been getting bad...where we will just be talking and all of a sudden he has his forehead against mine. I back away as quick as I can....but is that going to be enough to make him stop? I don't think he will do anything...even try to hold my hand. He's Mr. SUPER high standards, ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating. And although I DO NOT have any feelings for him other than just being friends....I do think he is one of the best guys in the stake. How do I keep the friendship, get him to the get the picture I don't have feelings for him, and to get him to stop standing so close to me?

Guy number 4 is another best friend of guy number 1 and guy number 2 who likes me. I told him that I used to like him...but that I buried those feelings along time ago and that if he wanted to try and unbury them to go ahead...but no promises.


I actually do have one more question there is this one boy that always feels super left out at church activities because he doesn't have any member friends. From what I hear his friends at school aren't exactly the best people ever.

And the good news is he is interested in making new, better ones. So I would really love to make friends with him. We just don't have much to talk about. I have emailed him and invited him to a few things (he has responded to my email (but no response to my reply yet) and come to the things i have invited him to).

I am one of those people who are super strict as far as "guys have to make the first move. If they are too chicken to ask me out...that's their loss" but since im only interested in friendship here and because he is suuuper shy i am making an exception to be the one making the first moves toward a friendship. He has a girlfriend (who is apparently really icky) soo that's a little promising that he won't start liking me or anything. anyway...goodness I blab...how do I befriend him without scaring him off?

haha

Told ya it was a truckload of questions...

-the 3 year-old teen



Dear Teen,

Whew!

Okay . . . I hope I don't miss anything.

1. You may not like the phrase "making out", but according to my definition that's exactly what you did. It's a broad term that can certainly include more, but doesn't need to. It may help you if you consider your reputation, assuming anything you do with anyone will get told to everyone, BEFORE you chose to do anything.

2. If you want my complete answer on kissing, check out "Bro Jo's Guide to Kissing", as well as in my book "Bro Jo's Guide to Casual Group Dating".

3. Good Guy or not, Boy #3 likes you. And no, not "just as a friend". That seems to be clear to everyone. If that’s a problem, and you’re certain you never want him to ask you out, then you need to talk to him and tell him. Either way, I think at the very least you need to tell him to stop invading your personal bubble.

4. You should also spend some time reading through my columns and posts on "Why Men Can't Stay 'Just Close Friends' with Women".

5. As for Guy #4, if that wasn't an invitation to try harder, I don't know what is. AND, while we're on the topic, "I buried those feelings a long time ago" is pretty melodramatic (and a bit of hyperbole for a 16 year old).

6. As flirty as you are (and let's face it, you're definitely boy crazy - you do know that's how everyone sees you, right?), if you simply want to fellowship this fifth guy (and even I don't believe that's your only motivation - more on that in a moment), then keep your distance, never be alone, and focus on asking him about him; don't interview him, but look for common ground by learning about what he's interested in. Just Be Nice.


You certainly are collecting hearts, aren't you?

I think that can be okay for a sixteen year old girl, but please understand two things: a) affection and attention from boys does not equate with your value - that comes from being a daughter of Heavenly Father, and b) you're not a child anymore - you can still be outgoing and have fun, but while you may THINK you're a three year old, you're not; you could learn a lot from pondering how your actions are viewed by others.


Keep having fun, and keep Casual Group Dating.


Oh, and take a breath once in a while.


- Bro Jo



PS: Another part of growing up is admitting and realizing that you weren't just some inanimate object that these boys kissed, you kissed them, too. You weren't a victim in these instances, you were a participant.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Don't be that girl that refuses to have female friends because they think that women are too "ditsy" or "girly" or "obsessed with shoes and make-up."

Not are girls are like that. Most of them aren't like that, they just think they are.

While you might enjoy the male attention that comes with eschewing female friendship NOW, when you're a YSA and people start pairing off into more serious relationship, YOU are going to be the one with no friends.

Just something to think about.