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Monday, July 30, 2012

The No-Kissing Promise

Dear Bro Jo,

So I was wondering if you have any advice for me. See, my best friend and I have known each other for about 2 years now, and for at least a year and a half we've had strong feelings for each other. However, since he hasn't gone on his mission yet (we just graduated high school) we've followed the counsel of our parents and the church leaders and have kept our "relationship" open (we date each other some, but we also date other people). Along with not having a steady relationship, we've also agreed to not kiss each other - it was originally his dad's advice, but I grew to really like it and agreed!

Anyways, lately sometimes that commitment to not kiss gets tough. As I've gotten to know him better, I've realized what a wonderful and admirable young man he is. I want to kiss him, but I feel like I'm at the point where I need reasons that aren't just sufficient, but motivating and encouraging. I've been wondering what suggestions you might have. I've heard in Young Women's lessons and read in the New Era about kissing and saving your kisses. I know for FTSOY that we're not supposed to kiss passionately, but the vibe I'm getting is that a quick goodnight kiss isn't bad :) Which it's not, but I'm having trouble finding good reasons to keep the standard we had set more than a year ago.

The ones I've come up with on my own:

1. Not kissing pretty much ensures that we won't go "too far".

2. His dad was the one who wanted him not to kiss me, and even though this young man is 18, his dad had a reason, and the advice hasn't lost any merit or wisdom.

3. I know that there's nothing morally wrong by not kissing.

4. There are other ways to show each other we care.

Are there any other reasons that you can think of? Or any advice you have?

I would appreciate it :) Thanks for your help!

- Name Withheld

Dear NW,

Um . . . yeah . . . I may be the wrong person to ask about this.

See, I don't see anything wrong with two Casual Group Daters kissing each other at the end of a date. (For details check out "Bro Jo's Guide to Kissing" on the Facebook Fan Page;  and in "Bro Jo's Guide to Casual Group Dating".

I don't think the two of you should swap so much spit that your dentist can't distinguish your DNA, but I personally don't see anything wrong with a little kiss good night or goodbye.

[For the record: I think the people who say "your first kiss should be across the alter in the Temple" are completely out of their minds.]

Stay vertical, stay out of the dark, and keep your hands to yourselves.

Now, I know that's not an answer to your question, and it scares the House of Satan out of more than a few parents out there, so if you're not ready to smooch, or really feel strongly that it should be avoided, I think the key is to stay out of those situations that make kissing possible.

Don't be alone together.

Don't sit, stand, or dance too close.

Don't let hugs linger.

Don't watch romantic movies together.

Stuff like that.

But as far as reasons . . . the only one I can add is that the closer you two get, physically and emotionally (and, let's face it, especially at your age it's tough to tell the difference), then the harder it will be for each of you when he leaves.

Oh, and while we're near that tangent . . . I strongly advise neither of you making any commitments or promises to each other while he's away or for when he comes home.

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Thanks :)

I think the reason that you gave me was the reason his dad was thinking of (making it harder for him to leave/me to let him go).

And he and I have already decided that there's not going to be any commitment making when he leaves for his mission so he can stay focused on serving the Lord and I don't have to wait for something that might not even happen.

I appreciate you taking the time!

- NW

Dear NW,


- Bro Jo

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