Dear Bro Jo . . . : Why Mission Focused Guys Should Casual Group Date as Teens

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Monday, July 23, 2012

Why Mission Focused Guys Should Casual Group Date as Teens

Dear Bro Jo.

So, I'm a 17 year old guy. And I'm supposed to want to start dating, right?

Well, I don't.

I mean, I do in that I'm attracted to girls, but I just think it's a bad idea.

Going on a mission in a couple years is supposed to be my main focus, and I'm afraid that if I start dating I'm going to get attached to someone and end up making the wrong choices.

I know I'm not to be in a relationship but to Casual Group Date and all that, but that could still distract me and I don't want to lose sight of what my real focus should be.

I'm not trying to get married yet, so what's the point of dating?

Sincerely,

Better Safe Than Sorry

Dear Sorry,

In my opinion at 16 a young man is supposed to start going on Casual Group Dates regardless of whether he thinks he's ready or wants to.

There are several reasons why.

One is that the young women your age deserve to go out on dates. They should get those moments in their lives where someone treats them special and they can dress up nice. They deserve to go out and have fun, and they should be asked out by Good Guys who aren't looking to put them in tempting or compromising situations.

But more than that is something that often gets missed: you should go out on Casual Group Dates BECAUSE you intend to serve a mission.

I'll pause while you read that again.

Dating teaches you valuable social and communication skills. It teaches how to serve someone else, to put their needs and wants before yours, how to find common ground and get along with someone you're spending time with. Dating teaches how to get to know people better, even if the situation is new, uncomfortable or awkward. In short, my brother, Casual Group Dating is great Mission Prep.

If you do it right, you won't be distracted.

In fact, that brings us to the third reason.

Casual Group Dating is something you do now when there's no pressure to marry so that when you come home from your mission you'll have the skills and experience that will help you find a good Eternal Companion when it's time in your life to get serious.

Happy Dating!

- Bro Jo

2 comments:

Anonymous said...: Bro Jo, what say you about preemies in college? Should they stick to group dating or do some single dating? Do you think it's still bad to get into a relationship that early?; July 24, 2012 at 2:49 AM
Bro Jo said...: I say that Serious Single Dating for a premi is a Bad Idea, as is getting into a relationship.

Casual Group Dating is fine, but stay away from 16-year old girls. And consider stopping altogether once the Mission Paperwork has been submitted.

And while I don't recommend the Boyfriend-Girlfriend thing, I know it happens. Brethren, if you have a GF before your mission please be man enough to set her free before you leave.

Bro Jo; July 24, 2012 at 7:21 AM

Bro Jo's "Dating Rules for Teens"

General
- Date in groups of 2 or more couples minimum, 3 or more couples is recommended
- Pick Up boys first, then girls; drop off girls first, then boys
- Be clean - literally and spiritually
- Plan must be pre-approved by the Parental Committee
- Borrow a Cell Phone from Parental Committee - for emergency use only
- Only date people your Parents have met (a pre-date meeting may be needed - a movie party at your house is a great way to have Mom and Dad meet all of this year's potential dates!)
- Don't flirt with another person's date - you can go out with them next time - focus on the person you're with
- Remember why you're dating: to get to know someone better, to discover what type of person you like to spend time with, and to practice this important social skill
- First Date is with Opposite Sex parent - prove that you're ready
- Keep the conversation going - spend more time asking questions than talking about yourself
- Focus on your companion - DO NOT TEXT YOUR FRIENDS WHILE OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE - it's rude and, well . . . lame
- No dating the same person twice in a row

Boys
- Home by 11:30pm
- Plan / Pick up / Pay
- Plan communicated to date - no surprises!
- Sisters deserve to go out with decent guys regularly, be one of those guys
- Chivalry isn't dead - show respect by opening doors
- It's scary to call, get over it (practice), it's your job to phone
- Be prepared Boy Scout: make sure the car is clean and has gas, be familiar with where you're going, have enough dough
- Keep dates simple and not too long
- No gifts (keep it casual)
- Meet the parents
- Minimum of one date per month

Girls
- Home by 11pm
- Know what's planned - and pre-communicate that plan to your parents
- Dress Modestly
- Teach your date that you deserve to be respected (make him open doors and insist that he use proper language)
- Don't call boys - make them call you (this is a respect tool)

Exceptions
- Formal Dates (like Prom or a Wedding) can extend the curfew 30 minutes
- Flowers may be an appropriate "gift" for formal occassions

Rules for Parents
- Set the Example (married parents should be dating weekly - if you can, occassionally make that a "Date to the Temple" - if you want your kids to go, they need to see you going - great for married-people dates - Bad Idea for first dates)
- Know your kids' friends, their dates and potential dates
- Communicate Expectations
- Help to Plan Ahead - especially in the beginning
- Discuss the Plan - offer council when asked, but don't take control
- Review the Rules
- Pray
- Don't Spy (if it's your date night too, go somewhere else - and get home before your teen)
- Wait Up - near the door, not in your bedroom
- Debrief - Discuss the date with your teen when they come home, before everyone goes to bed
- Be positive and encouraging
- Don't "arrange" dates for your kids with other parents - if the kids find out it'll be bad

REMEMBER PARENTS - You Water What You Want to Grow! (But too much water and the plant will drown.)

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Dear Bro Jo . . .

Things to know

Monday, July 23, 2012

Why Mission Focused Guys Should Casual Group Date as Teens

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