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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

She Says Guys, Especially LDS Ones, Only Like the "Skinny" Girls

Dear Bro Jo,

Why are guys so shallow?

What makes them seek out skinny air-heads?

What do they seen in those bimbos that they cannot see in other gals?

Your reader,

An over-fed, intellectually reading, Gnome

PS Guys in the Church are guilty of this as well. If you don't believe me, then take a look at the women in some of those wedding invitations you have. The ladies are quite lean, and I'm sure most of the education they got was child development and home rec.

Dear Sister,

Can I start by telling you honestly how tired I am of this complaint?

First of all, it's not true. You singles need to visit a family ward once in a while and notice how very few of the married people there look like the supermodels you seem to think we are. We're not as fit as we should be (which is not to say that we couldn't stand to be less superficial), we don't have the best hair or clothing, and (get this) many of us read! A lot!

Secondly, if you don't like the way you present yourself to others, stop complaining and make a change or two.

I offer that you consider this regarding the people in the wedding announcements: maybe it's not them; maybe it's you.

Look, we could talk about why some guys are attracted to women who workout, don't fill their diet with candy and junk food, who are positive and fun and friendly, and actually put an effort into looking nice, but why waste our time on the obvious?

The point is you and your jealousy. Perhaps instead of being so shallow yourself (after all, YOU are the one labeling everyone and equating attractiveness with intelligence) you should turn some of your focus inward. I'm not saying you're unhealthy, or that you need a makeover, but something is keeping you from being happy with whom you are. Now maybe a workout and a trip to the spa will make you feel better, but it seems to me that the number one thing you need to do to make yourself more attractive to guys is an attitude change.

No one says you have to look like you just left a photo-shoot (and for all I know, you do), but even the "prettiest" girls aren't sexy if they have a downer attitude. (And my guy readers will back me up on this. Plus, I can tell you, as a younger man who dated girls that were publicly considered "model-pretty" - because some were - it ain't enough.)

You're right, I do get a lot of wedding announcements (comes with the job, I suppose) and lot's of the girls in them are young and fit. But not all. The one thing that they all DO have in common is that they look happy.

Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, I see nothing wrong with studying Child Development or Home Economics; you don't mention what you've studied, but the superiority complex you've allowed it to give you is not attractive, either.

I'm sorry the guy you like is marrying someone you're not; learn from this and make the inner changes you need to make so that the next one, the smarter one who will appreciate the wonderful person that you are, doesn't get away. Or get pushed away by you.

If you don't drop the wall you're putting up, no one will be able to see through it to how wonderful you are.

And, aside from the bitterness, you are wonderful! Find away to let it go so the better you, regardless of the packaging it's in, will shine through!

- Bro Jo


Ashley said...

Thank you for making a comment about studying Child Development or Home Economics. I am in the home and family field and some of actually enjoy what we study and plan to make a career out of it. We don't just study it so that we will be better moms when the time comes (although that is a benefit). I don't appreciate being looked down upon for doing something that I love.

Anonymous said...

I have never been offended by any of the content on this blog, so this was definitely new. I'm backing Bro Jo up all the way and then some! I was appalled, to say the least.
1)I have a small frame, was blessed with a high metabolism, and would be lying if I said good looks don't run in the family. I am grateful for all of this, but at the same time, it's not what gives me joy or even success in life or dating. Learning, serving, focusing on the Gospel-these are the things that matter. The only thing it really takes to be attractive to the RIGHT kind of man is the light of Christ in your eyes.
2)Skinny plus pretty does not equal airhead. Those kinds of views may be contributing factors to the issues you've been having, Sister.
3) You need to stop putting yourself down, as well as these girls you're so bitter towards. Some of the best friends I've ever had carried a little extra weight or weren't as beautiful in the eyes of the world. Don't imply that there is any less worth in that.
Now that I got all the indignance out of my system:
You need to learn to love yourself, both the inside and the outside. Through exercise, healthy eating, good grooming (a General Authority once said something to the effect of "Even an old barn could use a fresh coat of paint"), and the like, show that you respect your body. As to the parts of your appearance that you can't (or at least, shouldn't) change... When I struggled with my self-esteem, my mother told me "The Lord doesn't screw up. Anything strict Word of Wisdom observance can't fix is how you're supposed to look, so get used to it." And finally, as to your inner self, just keep improving yourself (as we all should), keep yourself in the dating game, and someone will eventually come along who won't want to spend anything less than an eternity with you. So what if you don't have a date every weekend? It only takes ONE special person. Don't give up, Sister:)

Jdawg said...


WWWOOOOWWWW. I had to read this letter twice to make sure I was reading it correctly. Let me give you a man's perspective:

1) As far as body shape goes, all men are different. While most men prefer women who are "average, some men prefer slimmer and some prefer larger. That's just how it goes. (The same thing goes for chest size. The idea that all men prefer large breasts isn't true. Not even close.) Now personally, my most recent ex was average, on the larger side, and the few before her were average, smaller side. But as far as I'm concerned, all of them are beautiful. But the trick is, they all take care of themselves as far as is in their control. (Two of them have health issues.) That's were it matters to me. A girl has to take pride in her appearance and take care of herself. I don't expect someone to hit the gym every day after work and eat organic salad every night; I just want someone who lives a healthy lifestyle to the best of her abilities. To other people, they might not care as much about that. But again, neither extreme in body weight is attractive.

2) You really don't learn anything from a person's college major. Don't judge a person just because they don't have a "legit" major. Even if a person is taking childhood development just to help her be a better mother, what's wrong with wanting to be a good mother? One of my Ex girlfriends wanted to be a mother and housewife; it's what she had wanted her whole life. While I didn't find that attractive myself, it is what she wanted. She now has that and couldn't be happier. I personally prefer women who aspire to great things.

3) Don't assume someone is a ditz are airhead based on superficial acquaintanceship are perceptions. Until you get to spend real time with a person, you have no idea who they are.

Christopher Cunningham said...

Anonymous it is really easy to say that "The only thing it really takes to be attractive to the RIGHT kind of man is the light of Christ in your eyes," when you are small have high metabolism and have good looks running in your family. The average and poor looking among us realize that attraction is a little more complicated.

Anonymous said...

I understand where this girl is coming from. I've attended the YSA Ward several times and I attempt talking to guys, with a smile on my face & good intentions in my heart, but whenever they ask me: "What do you study" and I respond with my 2 Majors & 1 Minor, they ALWAYS end the conversation & walk away. Now, you can only imagine how frustrating that is!! I can't express my intelligence or desire to learn with LDS guys without them getting initmiated? Honestly, it's just plain sad.

Anonymous said...

I don't think any decent girl, even (maybe especially)one with good looks and a high metabolism wants a guy who only values her for her looks

Anonymous said...

I have to say that not all guys like girls for their looks. I have some health problems and I have a hard time losing weight. Believe me it is hard. I work out 6 days a week but my metabolism is very, very slow. Im not fat or anything but I would love to lose some lbs but my body has a very hard time losing weight. I thought the same thing that guys, and even lds guys only think that girls skinny as a model were beautiful. Then I met my boyfriend. We started out as friends then we started to like each other. But I loved him for the person he is! Not the way he looked. And in his eyes I was the most beautiful girl in the world. You can't judge every boy because of what a few guys think. The guy who thinks that you are beautiful for who you are will be the only guy that matters in your life. Not all those other guys.