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Monday, February 17, 2014

He Picked the Other Girl Instead of Her on Valentine's Day . . . What Can She Do?

Dear Bro. Jo,

I have a friend and he is LDS. He is a good (ish) kid. But I'm worried about him because he just turned 16 and on Valentine’s Day he got a Girlfriend and he got his first kiss (he had only known her for less than a month)

Well I asked him where his line is (like where he is willing to stop with a girl) this was my diagram Hugging----------holding hands---------- cuddling----------kissing----------Making out------------not appropriate things (like petting) ---------- sex

And I asked him where he would draw his line (and for your information mine is before cuddling) he said he would draw his line right before not appropriate things.

I am worried about him because his new girlfriend doesn't have the same standards (I’m not even sure if she is LDS) and I feel that he has jumped into things to fast considering he just met her and he already kissed her and now they kiss pretty much every chance they get, and he advances (on the line) really really fast.

I asked him what he would do if she wants to pass his line and he said he would be able to say no.

So I then asked him how he knows that he would be able to.

He said that a girl has already tried to have sex with him and that he was able to say no because he is confident in himself, but this girl was not his girlfriend.

I am worried that he doesn't realize how he is so close to inappropriate things. I was wondering what you would do in a situation like this. I really don't want him to get into trouble, but I don't think he realizes he is in trouble.

By the way I love love love your blog!!

Thank you so much for answering all of the questions and for posting some of them, it is a great help for me to find other teens in the same situations (or close enough) to me and to read what they have done and what you suggest.

Thanks again!

-Worried friend

Dear Worried,

You're right to be concerned, but there's not much you can do.

You've expressed your concern, he heard you, and he doesn't care.

I'm sorry he picked her instead of you, but he sounds like a bit of an idiot, so you're probably better off without him.

Okay.  I just said that last part to make you feel better.

But let's be honest here:  your problem is less what he's doing (though you and I agree he shouldn't be exclusive or moving so fast down the "line"), but that he didn't choose you; protest all you want, but it's clear you wish he was holding your hand instead of making out with her . . . and while that's understandable, it has nothing to do with your concern for his well-being.

And you should be in a relationship at your age, either.

Oh, and while I'm thinking about it: I think you should swap kissing and cuddling in your diagram.

You've broken out "making out", so "kissing" would mean a quick kiss on the cheek or a good-night kiss at the end of a Casual Group Date.

Both of those are much more benign than cuddling.

Thank you for the kind words,

- Bro Jo

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