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Friday, February 14, 2014

Making the Most of Valentine's Day

Dear Bro Jo,

It’s my second semester at BYU-I and I have a crush on one of my FHE brothers.

Just for some background my track record with guys isn’t the best.

Seems like I scare them off, rub them the wrong way, or just seems like I’m a magnet for all the wrong guys.

First guy I went on a date with (knew I had a crush on him) said he had fun and promised me another date… but before that could happen he got a girlfriend and never talked to me about it again.

Next guy was too young, not a member, didn’t have the same standards, and I was chasing him more than he was chasing me (I had to organize everything: conversations, get-togethers, etc.—it all just wasn’t worth it.)  We never really dated, just spent a lot of time flirting when we saw each other. Needless to say he too now has a girlfriend.

These two were the only ones I really liked in high school.

Now, this semester I’ve done a better job at communicating with guys and getting comfortable around them.

But I always feel like I have to hold back so I don’t rub them the wrong way.

Bro Jo, it’s so frustrating when my roommates seem to get really nice boyfriends so fast.

Makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong.

I’m very involved in my ward activities: FHE, service opportunities, calling, etc., have a strong testimony of the gospel, and doing my best to be patient (I’m a firm believer in the guy making the first move…since that experience with the other young guy I was interested in. But also being patient for a guy to express interest).

Despite my best efforts to flirt with this FHE brother without overdoing it, I’ve had no luck.

Who knows, it’s possible he’s interested in someone else, maybe he’s just a nice guy and I’ve mistaken it as flirting, maybe I already rubbed him the wrong way, maybe (the list could go on and on). I’ve contemplated asking the Lord to help me out on this, but seems like something that I shouldn’t ask for—just seems a little immature.

I don’t know, maybe it’s the nearness of Valentine’s Day that’s getting to me and making me feel more than a little pathetic.

I’m sorry this is probably the millionth woe-is-me-cuz-I’m-single sob stories you’ve received this month, so sorry about that.

I'm really fine with being single when I'm not thinking about it (if that makes any sense).

But, anyways, do you have any advice about how a girl can move on after she’s pretty sure he’s just a nice guy and probably not interested?

Or any other advice about what I could do better?

Thanks,

- I Want a Valentine




Dear V,

OFCOURSE you should ask the Lord for help with this!

You should ask the Lord for help with anything and everything, including relationships.

If it means anything, we've been together almost 25 years and I ask the Lord to help me with my relationship all the time. (Not as much as Sister Jo does, though!)

And you might want to have a chat with this guy you're interested in as well.

After all, Information Precedes Revelation.

And if I've learned one thing about guys at your school . . . LDS guys in general, I suppose, it's that they're lacking in training and confidence when it comes to dating, so you may just need to go into training mode and tell this guy that you'd like him to ask you out on a date . . . no pressure (don't make him feel like you think of this as anything more than an opportunity for him to be a Good Guy and the two of you to get to know each other better) . . . just have fun!

I don't think you're doing anything wrong.

It sounds like you're improving.

Be Patient.

But don't give up just yet.  You can't quit trying until you've actually tried.

Does that make sense?

Lastly, you and your roommates are different people . . . you're not all going to find love at the same time or in the same way.

It will happen.

But it's often better to make our own destiny than to sit around waiting for destiny to find us.

So rather than give up, use this Holiday as an Excuse to Be Brave . . . to give it a shot.

You have nothing to lose, you know.



-Bro Jo

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

As a female BYU-Idaho Grad, I know that it can be hard to get asked out. The BIGGEST mistake I saw girls doing was FLIRTING too hard. It's awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. It's best to just be yourself, and be super nice and friendly with boys in your ward, your FHE Brothers, those you meet in classes and around campus... No guy wants to ask out a girls who looks so "desperate to get married" (even if she's not, she may be coming off that way). Ont eh other hand, I know a LOT of guys who had huge impressions made on them by girls who knew themselves, were confident, and who could be friendly and fun in any situation.

Also, as a side note, some of those things (confidence, knowing yourself, being comfortable enough with yourself to be comfortable around any boys) come with time. So if it doesn't happen right away, don't worry - all of those guys that pass you by are just helping you to prepare for the good ones.