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Wednesday, February 19, 2014

More than Friends but Not Dating?

Dear Bro Jo,

I’ll try to limit this to the information related to the specific question, but let me know if you need to know anything else to get a better answer!

There’s a lot of information because I’ve known this guy since freshman year. 

I am a 17 year old girl.

Basically I really like this guy, and have for quite some time.

He’s made some mistakes in the past (nothing inappropriate, just stupid), but eventually at the end of it all, I still end up liking him.

He knows I like him because I told him, after a long, long time of being too scared to do so.

We’re both seniors now and will be 18 in a few months.

Freshman and sophomore year I saw him quite a bit because we went to the same school, had some similar classes, and were in the same seminary class. (Early morning)

Junior year I started going to a community college to earn concurrent enrollment credits toward my Associates degree that I can graduate with in the spring.

That meant that I was pretty much never at the high school any more. But, we both still saw each other at seminary.

And, of course the extra times we would hang out on the weekends and such. However, this year, senior year. I am still at the college, and he is taking a zero period AP class, which means he has to do home study seminary.

So, the only time I see him is if/when we make plans to do something.

We both really enjoy the time we spend together; whether it be at a dance, going on a walk, watching a movie, eating dinner, etc.

When we watch movies we’ll cuddle and hold hands, and when I leave he’ll hug me goodbye.

That’s as far as we’ve ever gone.

And he has made the decision that he doesn’t want to have a serious relationship before his mission.

I told him that I agree that this is a good choice and that I fully support him through this.

But, I feel like we’re in this weird in between zone-- more than friends, but not dating...if you know what I mean?

This is where my question comes in. He’ll either be leaving on his mission after graduation sometime, or he’ll go to college for a semester first. (Things have changed now with the new missionary announcement) So, is it really worth my time to continue on with this when he’ll be leaving?

I mean, he’s not the one stopping me from going out or doing things with other guys, that’s just because no one is asking me... If someone asked, I would say yes, because me and this guy aren’t dating exclusively.

But I just worry that he’ll be hard to get over and that I should just start the process now, because there’s a huge, huge chance that I will go off to BYU/BYU-I (haven’t heard back yet) and meet some really great RM and get married or engaged at least before he even gets back from his mission.

It’s hard for me to think of what the right decision is because the thought of not having him in my life like he is now is not a good one.

So your outside input would be helpful!

Again, let me know if you need more information!


- Wondering

Dear Wondering,

No more information is necessary.

No, it's not worth your time to continue this pseudo relationship.

You should not be cuddling on the couch watching movies, either.

Can and should you continue to go on Casual Group Dates with him?

Of course! 

(Although I get the impression that Casual Group Dating hasn't been part of your activities to date . . . and it should.)

And, DUH!


No Good Guy is going to take some other guy's girlfriend out on dates unless there's some rule (see the Casual Group Dating Rules) that makes it okay (unless he's trying to use his Good Guy-ness to get you to realize that you shouldn't be in a relationship . . . but it's rare to see that kind of effort since it typically goes unappreciated and wasted).

Oh, and by the way, since it seems that you two may not be clear on this: yes, you're Boyfriend and Girlfriend.  I'm sure everyone that knows you thinks of you in that way.

And you're pretty darned exclusive, too.

There's nothing wrong with the two of you liking each other; nor is there anything wrong with you wanting to hug and hold hands, but there's a lot wrong with the context and the lack of either of you spending time with other dates.


- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Okay thank you so much for your input!! I will keep that in mind!

- Wondering

Dear Wondering,

Which of course means that you didn't get the answer you want and you're going to do whatever you want anyway, right?

Please, if you do get a chance to go on dates with another guy, go.  And I urge you to find a way to give up the on-the-couch cuddling before it goes further than it already has.

- Bro Jo

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