Is he using her for mail?

Dear Bro Jo,

I have a question about some confusion that I have. There is a guy who I am writing while on his mission. I am not waiting for him, but he has told me that he wants to look me up when he gets home. Normally I would not be confused by such a simple situation, but once you know the story it will make more sense.

See this Elder and I dated before he left on his mission. We met before I was a member of the church and after I was baptized (the two are not related) we started going out and he asked me to wait for him. Of course we had also been talking about marriage after his mission and all that jazz. He broke up with me a few months later and than asked if he could look me up after he came home. We talked still and spent time together, with our friends naturally, and he would continually ask me if I was going to write him. Right before he left he had been "filling his canteen" with some other girl from our town, but he still wanted to look me up. I wrote him some letters when he was in the MTC and he wrote me back. Once he got out into the field though he hasn't written me a single letter. His younger brother tells me that this guy still wants to hear from me and enjoys getting my letters.

I just don't know what to think about it all really. One of my friends says that he is just using me to get mail and another is saying that I should let him look me up when he gets home. I really just don't know what to do.

From,

NA



Dear NA,

Is he coming home soon?

- Bro Jo



Dear Bro Jo,

He gets home in a year.

NA



Dear NA,

I think it's too early to make a decision on whether or not you should see him. I can't tell if he's in love with you, using you as a safety net, or as your friend said: using you to get mail.

I find his asking you to wait, then breaking up with you and going out with someone else . . . all a bit suspect. I'm wondering if he's using his brother, or if his brother is trying to do him a favor . . .

My gut reaction is that you should cut this guy off. If he writes you, write back, but only if he's kind and the letters are appropriate. Keep your letters wholesome and non-committal.

And, by all means, date other guys.

With any luck you'll have found someone else before he comes home anyway, and the notion of letting him see you will be a moot point.

If, when he comes back, you're not seriously attached to anyone, and if this guy is someone you'd like to see, well you can consider it then. But for now I wouldn't worry too much about it.

- Bro Jo