To Prom or Not - Take 2

Dear Bro Jo,

Hello!

I'm sure you're probably getting a lot of prom questions.. So it probably seems like a broken record..

But as you might have guessed, I need some advice..!

Background info.. I'm 17 and I'm a Junior in High School. I haven't been on a huge amount of dates, but I have been on a nice amount with a variety of people.

Ever since I was little, I've always been excited with the idea of Prom. The whole idea of getting to dress like a princess for a night fascinated me.

Flash forward to Junior year.. I meet a Senior in one of my classes. He's freaking out because his girlfriend might be pregnant. I listen quietly as he freaks out, figuring that he just needs a good listener. To tell you the truth, the whole conversation made me a little uncomfortable, but if I were in the same situation I'd want people to be supportive.

Throughout the semester, he continued to tell me about his life, and I realized how different our lives were. The fact that I'm LDS came up, and we talked about my standards and the things that I choose not to do. The kid was shocked that I would WANTto save myself for one guy. He also didn't understand how I could live my life without all of the crazy parties every weekend. Knowing my standards he would bring it up all the time in a teasing way. "Oh yeah, you can't do that. you're mormon." I would correct him and say "actually, it's not that I CAN'T, It's that I DON'T"

He transferred out of the class at the semester, and I thought that was the end of that.

Over spring break, he started texting me again. Just normal conversation. I remained friendly but not flirty, because I didn't want him to get any wrong ideas. One night, around 12:30 am, he called and asked me to tell him where I lived so we could sneak out. I told him no, that it was past my bedtime, and that I needed to go to sleep. He kept begging, and I simply said "sorry, goodnight." and hung up.

The next day, he asked why. Again, I explained it.

I stopped talking to him for a few days. Out of nowhere he told me that he used to like me, but he decided he didn't anymore because I was too good for him.

He kept texting me, and I started being less and less friendly in my replies. He brought up the idea of me liking him and I tried to say that I didn't without hurting his feelings.. I knew he was down on himself, (his girlfriend just dumped him) and i felt bad, but i didn't want to have to reject him completely so I stuck to blunt one word replies.

Yesterday, he called me and said "Hey! So you know how me and my girlfriend broke up? Well... that kinda leaves me dateless for Prom. I was wondering if you might go with me?"

I told him I'd have to talk to my parents first and that I would let him know.

Honestly, I don't know what to say back to him. My parents said the decision is up to me. I would feel really bad saying no to him, (as I would with anyone else) but the idea of going to prom with him kinda gives me a sick feeling. He knows my standards, yet he still tries to push the limits (asking me to sneak out, and continuing to beg when I told him no)
I don't want to say no to the date, I haven't said no to ANY guy in the past and I've gone on some really fun dates with some great guys that a lot of girls wouldn't even consider saying yes to. But I can't decide if I SHOULD say yes to this kid or not.

Reading your entry "to prom or not" [Readers - see the original post HERE - Bro Jo] you said that the girl should go with the guy that had made mistakes in the past. I figured this situation was a little bit different though.

What do you think I should do?

- Bad Boy Magnet


Dear Magnet,

Yeah, I think this might be over that line between giving a guy a second chance and putting yourself in a bad situation. I don't get the sense that this is a kid who made some mistakes and wants to change his life, but rather that he's a kid who's trying to drag you into his world. He doesn't want to join you, he wants you to join him, and I think that makes all the difference.

If you did go, I'd say that following the Dating Rules is absolutely essential, especially being part of a group . . .

But given this boy's behavior, his constant pushing to get you to act outside your standards, and the myriad attempts he's made to put you into compromising situations (had you sneaked out, I believe you could have been in a Very Bad Situation), I think it's better not to go.

Yes, in general I think a girl should be open to dating most guys, but this one is an exception to the rule.

I think he's using you, or at least trying to.  Gratification?  Mark on his ego-checklist?  Bail him out of a date-less evening?

Probably.  Not that it matters.

Now, I'm much more heartless than you, so I don't think you should be concerned with hurting his feelings. In fact, I think it's in both his and your best interest that you give it to him straight "I'm flattered that you asked, and I want you to know that I didn't come to this decision easily, but I can't go to Prom with you. Frankly you just haven't done or said anything to give me the impression that you respect me or my standards."

And leave it at that.

I hope that there are decent boys at your school that are smart enough to ask you, but as I've written so many times, some times the best girls (and guys) stay home.

- Bro Jo


PS - I commend you for holding true, especially under all of this pressure. Remember, we gain a witness AFTER the trial of our faith. And I LOVE your line "it's not that I can't, it's that I don't" - brilliant!