Dear Bro Jo,
I am a very bad conversationalist, especially when I'm with people I don't know. I do okay with my friends, but even with my friends I'm shy. I feel awkward when I don't know what to say to guys at stake dances and other things.
I worry that guys won't ever like me because I'm so awkward and quiet. I try to be outgoing and funny, but I just end up looking stupid. I don't know what to do! I'm almost to dating age and I want guys to like me, but what guy would like a girl who doesn't say a word? What kind of things can I say and talk about?
What can I do to not be so quiet and awkward so guys will like me?
Sincerely,
Speechless
Dear Speechless,
Being a good conversationalist is an important skill, and for most of us it takes quite a bit of practice to develop it.
So, first of all, don't be too down on yourself - it takes time.
Secondly, worry less about being funny or outgoing (not everyone is a comic or a welcoming committee). Instead focus on being sincere. Think of conversations as an opportunity to learn; to learn more about you and more about the person with whom you're conversing. Ask them questions about them. Don't be to personal or "interview-y", but do listen to what they say so you can respond with an appropriate follow up. Being a good conversationalist isn't about cracking jokes, it's about listening and getting the other person to talk.
I wrote a column called "Stuff Guys Can Ask Girls About When Dancing" - it really is a list that works both ways. Check it out!
Like anything in life, you'll become a more confident conversationalist if you practice, so get out there!
- Bro Jo
1 comment:
Wow. I have just the opposite problem. I talk too much, too fast and usually about dumb things. And that's why I think guys don't start a conversation the second time. I wish I could be quieter. :(
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