Hugs

Dear Bro Jo,

What are boys thinking when they give hugs?

Because whenever I say hello or goodbye to my guy friends they give me a hugs, and on some occasions there will be two or three guy-friends in a group to give me a hug.  They never act jealous or if they are they are very good at hiding it and many of them have girlfriends.

And they all treat me like a sister which is actually pretty good because I'm not romantically attached to any of them.  And they are all non-members, but I have read in all your earlier posts that no boys want to hang out with any girls that they're not attracted to (was it physical attraction?, I can't remember) so why would they hang out with me then?

And the hugs, none of them are full body contact because they all know my standards, i.e. no swearing, dating till 16, group dating then anyway, no drinking, and all the other stuff.

Also, is it alright to give hugs?

Sorry if this is all over the place but thats kinda my thinking pattern.

From a protected girl...and loving it.


Dear Protected,

In every culture I can think of, a hug is either an expression of affection or comfort (or both). And ther are about as many different types of hugs as there are subtle, and not so subtle, overtones and ulterior motives.

The A-frame, the Arm-around-the-shoulder, the Quick-back-pat, the Handshake-pull-in, the Chest-bump, the Under-the-arms-hook, the Arm-in-arm, the From-behind, the Full-body . . . even the handshake, hi-five, and fist-bump are all variations on a hug.

Now, as for what a guy is thinking . . . It CAN vary depending on his age, the distance of the age gap between you, and the type of hug. When your Bishop puts his arm around your shoulder, or a young man offers his elbow to take as he escorts you onto the dance floor that's certainly different than when a guy at school hugs and lingers or some older guy stands so close he might as well be hugging you (even married guys can be creepers!).

While many may deny it, when a teenage guy hugs a teen age girl, no matter how casual or simple it may seem, what's he's most likely thinking is "Woo hoo! I'm touching a girl!"

The bad ones, the shy ones, the good ones, members, non-members, even the "gay" guys are all acutely aware of the girl they're hugging and excited by the physicality of touching her, even if just a little, even if it's not obvious to you (or them).

I hope I'm not being more blunt than you're comfortable with, but when these guys hug you, they're . . . well . . . aware of those curves that make a girl a girl. (Guys have radar for that stuff, in the same way that guys seem to know that a girls' clothing is more revealing than she probably realizes.)

And "Yes", that doesn't change even if they have girlfriends (or wives). [An honorable and aware man won't hug his non-wife inappropriately, and he'll look away instead of gawking, which admittedly is more and more difficult as clothing becomes more commonly revealing and girls seemingly less and less aware of what they're wearing. We're all still guys, and it can be a never ending battle, but worth fighting to do the honorable thing.]

The guys that are "hanging out" with you, even those that seem otherwise, find you attractive, on some level or another, typically physically, even if they don't realize it or ever do anything about it. They may deny it, but it's true.

And that's not all bad, by the way.

However, with all that in mind, I caution you (and all women, especially the young) against being too "huggy" (and hopefully by now you know what kind of hugs I mean), especially with boys (and men) that you have no intention of dating (nor should you ever).

I'm not saying "never", I'm saying "less".

- Bro Jo