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Friday, November 6, 2015

Is She a Hypocrite if She Goes to the Funeral?

Dear Bro Jo,

I have never had a good relationship with my grandparents on my mums side of the family.

Growing up my siblings and I always knew they considered us to be not worth as much as our other cousins because of who our dad is and the fact that we are all “brain washed” by the Church.

Whenever we would visit them we would always come away feeling worthless and unloved by them.

When I got married I invited them to my wedding but they didn't show up.

So when I had my eldest daughter I made the decision that I don't ever want her to feel that way – I never want her to feel like she isn't good enough to be loved for who she is –

So I told my grandparents that I would not have them in her life because I refuse to allow them to make her feel the way they always made me feel.

So they disowned me declaring that I am no longer their granddaughter – which honestly I'm more than okay with its not like they ever treated me like a granddaughter in the first place.

This morning I have been thinking... not so long ago my mum was talking about when her parents die – she hasn't spoken to them in over a year because of other things that have gone on with in her family (she's the bad daughter and the black sheep for marrying my dad and being brainwashed by the church) – my mum was saying she's concerned that no one will bother to inform her when they die and if they did she was worrying that the funerals would be difficult with her bad relationship with her family.

So I've been sat here wondering when they do eventually die – would it be bad/hypocritical of me to go to the funerals out of support for my mum even though I'm not likely to see or speak to them ever again while they are alive?

I know my mum would want me to be there to support her with my other siblings because despite the way they treat her they are her parents and she will be really upset when something does eventually happen to them.

But I worry since I have no doubt my grandparents have told everyone else in their family that I have been disowned would it be wrong of me to go...

I'm not too bothered what my aunts and uncles think of me, supporting my mum is my main concern. any thoughts or opinions on this matter would be greatly appreciated.


The Brainwashed Hypocrite

Dear Sister, 

I think it's wise to keep your children away from people who will hurt them, including (and perhaps especially) relatives, regardless of in which way that harm may happen. 

Attending your grandparents' funerals (when the time comes) out of respect for you mother, to be there and support her when she will need you most is not in any way hypocritical. 

It's brave and honorable. 

Funerals are for the living, not the deceased. 

You go. 

You're polite and respectful. 

You hold your tongue if needed. 

And you be an example of the Church, the Savior and His gospel. 

If you do that you'll be glad you went. 

And so will your mom. 

- Bro Jo

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