Dear Bro Jo . . . : What If You Don't Have Much in Common?

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Friday, November 13, 2015

What If You Don't Have Much in Common?

Dear Bro Jo,

First of all, I'm a huge fan of your blog. I think you make some really good points, which is why I'm asking for advice...

I've had some really bad experiences with guys in the past. I've been through the whole child abuse scenario and was sexually harassed by a lot of different boys in high school, so I've become super cautious with the whole dating scene.

Not that I haven't dated at all, I've had a few different boyfriends, but because I'm so cautious, I make sure they complete this sort of list I have.

So most of the guys I've developed any sort of relationship with have been perfect on paper, but I haven't really connected or fell in love with them.

I'm 20 and know it's time I start learning to open up and trust so that way I can get going on the next phase of life sometime soon.

Now there's a new guy who on paper is not a good match for me at all. We have pretty different interests and some of our opinions are really different.

Plus he fails at the whole dating thing.

His friends tell me he just doesn't date much, but is more of a flirt.

We've gotten to be really good friends and spend a lot of time together. He'll plan things that I consider a hang out, and then he ends up paying so I'm confused, realizing he considers it a date.

He breaks some of your rules too- like he texts me a lot.

But he's really different than the perfect guys I've dated.

He has been flirting with me all semester and has always been very observant of me and can always tell what I'm thinking or feeling.

I'm an awkward person by nature, and he thinks it's adorable, which is such a rare thing. He can tell that I get uncomfortable dating, so he plans group things and doesn't push anything, but now I want him to.

It's just he's the first person I've really felt connected with. It scares me how much I actually like him.

He doesn't spend time with other girls and I've never seen him flirt with anyone else- so is he just leading me on or are his friends wrong about him?

How much leeway am I allowed to give him?

Or how to I discreetly tell him to be a man?

Sincerely,

- Cautious

Dear Cautious,

Everything you've told me you need to tell him; every question you've asked me you need to ask him.

A good relationship does not require that both people agree on everything or that either person conform to some mythical list of required attributes.

Go talk to him.

- Bro Jo

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Bro Jo's "Dating Rules for Teens"

General
- Date in groups of 2 or more couples minimum, 3 or more couples is recommended
- Pick Up boys first, then girls; drop off girls first, then boys
- Be clean - literally and spiritually
- Plan must be pre-approved by the Parental Committee
- Borrow a Cell Phone from Parental Committee - for emergency use only
- Only date people your Parents have met (a pre-date meeting may be needed - a movie party at your house is a great way to have Mom and Dad meet all of this year's potential dates!)
- Don't flirt with another person's date - you can go out with them next time - focus on the person you're with
- Remember why you're dating: to get to know someone better, to discover what type of person you like to spend time with, and to practice this important social skill
- First Date is with Opposite Sex parent - prove that you're ready
- Keep the conversation going - spend more time asking questions than talking about yourself
- Focus on your companion - DO NOT TEXT YOUR FRIENDS WHILE OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE - it's rude and, well . . . lame
- No dating the same person twice in a row

Boys
- Home by 11:30pm
- Plan / Pick up / Pay
- Plan communicated to date - no surprises!
- Sisters deserve to go out with decent guys regularly, be one of those guys
- Chivalry isn't dead - show respect by opening doors
- It's scary to call, get over it (practice), it's your job to phone
- Be prepared Boy Scout: make sure the car is clean and has gas, be familiar with where you're going, have enough dough
- Keep dates simple and not too long
- No gifts (keep it casual)
- Meet the parents
- Minimum of one date per month

Girls
- Home by 11pm
- Know what's planned - and pre-communicate that plan to your parents
- Dress Modestly
- Teach your date that you deserve to be respected (make him open doors and insist that he use proper language)
- Don't call boys - make them call you (this is a respect tool)

Exceptions
- Formal Dates (like Prom or a Wedding) can extend the curfew 30 minutes
- Flowers may be an appropriate "gift" for formal occassions

Rules for Parents
- Set the Example (married parents should be dating weekly - if you can, occassionally make that a "Date to the Temple" - if you want your kids to go, they need to see you going - great for married-people dates - Bad Idea for first dates)
- Know your kids' friends, their dates and potential dates
- Communicate Expectations
- Help to Plan Ahead - especially in the beginning
- Discuss the Plan - offer council when asked, but don't take control
- Review the Rules
- Pray
- Don't Spy (if it's your date night too, go somewhere else - and get home before your teen)
- Wait Up - near the door, not in your bedroom
- Debrief - Discuss the date with your teen when they come home, before everyone goes to bed
- Be positive and encouraging
- Don't "arrange" dates for your kids with other parents - if the kids find out it'll be bad

REMEMBER PARENTS - You Water What You Want to Grow! (But too much water and the plant will drown.)

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Disclaimer

*This website is not affiliated with the Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints, nor does it's author claim to write on behalf of the LDS Church.

for more information on The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints go to: http://www.mormon.org/

"Dear Bro Jo" is an entertainment column, and should not been used as a substitute for Professional Counseling, nor is it intended to replace conversations with one's Bishop or other Priesthood Authority.

All posts and content are the property of Dave Johnston (c) 2009-2013.

Dear Bro Jo . . .

Things to know

Friday, November 13, 2015

What If You Don't Have Much in Common?

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