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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Casual Group Dating - Not Just for Latter-day Saints

Hey Brother,

My family recently moved away and I stayed behind so I can finish school. I'm turning 17 in a couple of months by the way, and I am Male, just so you know.. haha. . So in my new ward, there are no laurels.

I've only been here about a month and I hang out with the young women in my ward a lot.
Well there are a few problems I suppose.. One of the girls and I just click really well!.. its so different to anything i've ever felt, its amazing, and good. (she is the oldest out of the young women, and will be turning 16 soon)

Well anyway.. We both have feelings for each other, and we both respect the rules and standards. We understand that when she is old enough to date, we should be group dating. The only thing is that there are no other girls old enough to date, and so I'm a bit confused about what to do..

any thoughts?



Dear Brother -

Casual Group Dating does not need to be an "LDS Only" activity; there are lots of good kids out there that will have no problems abiding by the Dating Rules, that would love to go on some Casual Group Dates - heck, who wouldn't?

(OK, actually, I've been quite surprised at just how many "who wouldn'ts" are out there. My own boys, who are about your age, have become so frustrated with the cowardice of their fellow priests, the lack of encouragement by the parents of those priests regarding dating, and the wishy-washiness and flakiness of some of the Laurels in our Stake that they've become quick to include their buddies and to ask out non-member girls - most of which has turned out quite successful.)

Expand your circle of friends, encourage your fellow priests and non-member buddies to Casual Group Date. (If they're shy, un-educated, or don't understand the reasons they should be dating, send them my way or have them check out the Notes on the Facebook Fan Page; if they're still hesitant, ask them to do it if for no other reason than to help you out as their buddy.)

Regarding this girl, let me say a few things.

1) Be Smart. She may be someone that you turn out to be with for a very long time but, as I sense you realize, getting too close now could mess up things both now and in the future.

2) Be Communicative. Let her know that it's BECAUSE you like her that you see it as important to keep it Casual right now. Girls want the confirmation of their Worth and Value that they convince themselves having a Boyfriend provides. (I fight that battle every day.) Help her to understand that you pairing off with other girls and her pairing off with other boys for Casual Group Dates is because you both want to follow the council of the Prophet, not because you want to kiss other girls. In the same way that dancing with someone else at a Church Dance is a way to include others in the activity and to be nice, rotating whom you escort does the same thing. Assure her that you have no intention of ANYONE being your serious Girlfriend (and, if you feel so inspired, it may be OK to tell her that, if you were going to have a Girlfriend, it would be her, but I have to tell you, Braden, I advise against doing that - it's too close to the real thing).

3) Be Focused. Graduation. Mission. Marriage in the Temple. In that order. And let her (and any other girls you may encounter) what the order is for you. As much as a Young Woman wants a Boyfriend, she wants an Eternal Companion much, much more. I promise.

4) Be Aware. Know yourself and your surroundings. Don't put yourself into the way of temptation. Ask yourself if you feel about her the way you do because of, oh, I don't know . . . loneliness? teen-age hormones? the fact that there aren't many Laurels around? you like the attention she gives you? she's, well, as my boys say "very easy to look at"?


Get yourself a few Good Buddies, Wingmen, if you will. Get Familiar with my Dating Rules; make some plans and commitments.

Let me know how it goes.

- Bro Jo

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