Porn and the Girlfriend

Dear Bro Jo,

I really could use some help right now! I have 2 "problems" that I'd like to ask your advice on, and since your so blunt, I think you could really help me out!

Firstly, I'm 17 years old, male and been a member of the church for nearly 5 years.

1st problem.

Last weekend a friend of mine (female), visited me from another ward, she slept in my room with one of my sisters for the weekend, and I slept in my sister's room.

On Saturday morning, Sunday morning and Monday morning she came into the room where I was sleeping, cuddled up to me and we "made out", yea I know, bad move, which it really was, if my mother had not woken up on the Monday morning I honestly believe that something more could/would have happened.

She is a lovely girl, shes been a member all her life, her parents, however, are not nice people towards there children, so her testimony is not very strong.

I realize that I was also in the wrong and that I should not have let it happen. So my question is, how can I tell her that the making out should stop and also strengthen mine and her testimony of the Church?

2nd Problem.


A few months ago, I started watching Pornography, and, as the church says, once you start its really hard to stop by yourself, but whenever I think about talking to my bishop (I work quite closely with him, because I'm the oldest young man in my ward, his home teaching companion and 1st assistant to the bishop), I start to feel scared as to what he might think. So, have you got any advice on how I can past the fear?

Thank you so much for reading my email

From,

A Struggling Brother!


Dear Struggling,

Man up and go talk to your Bishop.

Now.

Make the call at this very moment and set an appointment.

. . .

Blunt enough?

Look, my Brother, I'm serious. You should never allow what someone thinks of you to keep you from the Spirit.

Whether it's ridicule or disappointment, fear or fashion, not repenting is WAY WORSE than repentance.

Your Bishop can help you overcome the hold Satan is placing upon your heart in ways that no one else can. I promise you you're won't be the first person to ever talk to him about pornography addiction, and sadly not the last, either . . .

Look at the moral peril it's putting you in!

You do see that your two problems are intertwined, right?!?

To spell it out, if you weren't spending so much time with the porn, you'd be better able to resist the temptations of the girl.

(By the way, while I absolutely don't think you should tell her, don't you think your girlfriend would be pretty turned off to know that, in some way, you were using her to gratify yourself because you've been looking at, well . . . ?)

Look, I don't often speak ill of parents, but shame on yours for allowing this girl to stay overnight at your home. I say that not for their benefit, but the benefit for other parents that read this column, and for you and other kids so that you won't make the same mistake when you're parents.

That said, I think you need to get your folks in the loop when it comes to your porn addiction and moral problems; talk to your Bishop about it, I think he'll concur.

Because you all live together, they'll be able to help you make your Home a Sanctuary, a place where you can feel safe in the Spirit.

To be specific to what you've asked, as far as the girl is concerned, just talk to her in a non-romantic/sexual setting (i.e: not in a car, or alone in your room), tell her you think she's wonderful and that you have certain spiritual goals that are in jeopardy if things between the two of you don't cool down. Tell her that the kissing (and other stuff) are not things that you require or expect of her.

And set some rules and boundaries.

No more staying over at your house.

No long periods of alone time.

Nothing horizontal.

Date in groups.

In the same regard, set some boundaries to keep you safe from the porn.

Move the computer out into a public room of the home.

Get plenty of rest.

No computer if no one else is at home.

Don't stay up too late.

Make scripture study and prayer a daily part of your life.

You're not without hope! Don't give up!

Now, if you've read this far and still haven't called the Bishop, have a prayer, and make the call.

- Bro Jo


PS. Seriously. Right now.

PSS. Go already. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. Jump in the cold water. Rip off the bandage. Get the shot. Make it happen cap'n.