Dear Bro Jo,
Thanks for the excellent advice last time. I have another issue. I'm really interested in doing a lot of casual group dating; my goal is two per month but I'm in desperate need of wingmen!
As you have noticed, teenage guys tend to have very little desire to properly spend time with the women-folk. I've tried persuading everyone one of my friends who is 16+ and none of them are ever willing to exhibit the necessary commitment and dependability.
I've offered to all the driving and most the planning, I've set an example, I've tried everything I can think of all to no avail. I don't think it's too scary for them or too expensive so I'm pretty sure it's just apathy that's keeping them back.
How can I get my friends to have a desire to go on group dates?
- Daring to Date
Dear Daring,
My oldest boy had the same problem until his next-younger brother turned 16. Until that time he was the driving force behind just about every active priest's first (and only) date in our tri-ward area. Just like you he was regularly frustrated by the thriftiness, feigned indifference, and fear shown by his pals. He expanded his dating-buddy circle to include non-members, often having the best success by encouraging the guys with girlfriends to take those girls out. Now, with the younger brother as wingman, it's much easier. They've tried including other guys, but have found very little success.
I'd give a little more credit to fear than you do; I think apathy is a smokescreen. If they don't ask, then they can't get turned down, so it's safer to act like you don't care.
And, let's face it, despite all their talk to the contrary, not all Young Women are interested in dating.
We live in an area where the LDS segment of the population is a relatively small percentage, and my boys have been disappointed at how flaky (cancelling the date 24-48 hours before when he calls her to confirm the pick-up time and details) and unwilling (it blows my mind how many girls, whatever their reason may be, aren't willing to enjoy a "free" dinner or movie) many of the Laurels in our town are. It's to the point now when they'd RATHER take out non-member girls than the girls from Church.
One thing you can do is to minimize the rejection. This requires good planning done well in advance.
When you're planning a date for yourself you can enlist the help of the girl you'll be escorting. It goes like this:
"Hi! So I've been thinking about how great it would be to take you out on a Casual Group Date next month, but I'm having a tough time putting together a group. I have an idea: would you be willing to get two girls who are willing to go, and I'll line up two guys to ask them?"
See what's going on there?
You're asking her out AND eliminating the group problem at the same time. It's much easier to talk a shy or inexperienced guy into a date if you can specifically identify a girl who's willing to go with him. When you call your buddy, you simply say:
"Hey, I'm setting up a Casual Group Date with (insert name of girl here). She says she's got a friend who's willing to go; I need you to be that girl's date."
Review the Dating Rules with everyone to make sure they're on board, get the plan solid, and away you go.
Life is always harder on the pioneers than those that follow, but someone's got to blaze the trail.
If not you, then whom? If not now, then when?
- Bro Jo
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