Dear Bro Jo,
I'm one of those girls who don't wear makeup or is into fashion and all that. I'm almost 14, but I'm a little worried that no guy is going to ask me out when I turn 16, or next year to the school formal (that's like prom - I live in Australia). The thing is, I'm not that pretty to begin with. Should wear makeup or anything like that so guys will think I'm pretty and ask me out when I'm older? I know I shouldn't worry about that now, but I just want to get the question out of the way so I don't have to worry. It's a dumb question, but I kinda feel ugly around guys and I hate it. Can you suggest anything?
- One of THOSE girls
Dear Little Sister,
A) You have lots of time before you become dating age, so you're right - you shouldn't worry too much about this.
B) Beauty really "is in the eye of the beholder" - different guys are attracted to different things about different girls. Every girl / woman has things about her that are pretty . . . eyes, skin, smile, legs, attitude, laugh, talent, testimony, hair . . . each of us is charged with doing the best with what we've got.
Does that mean a little make up?
Maybe.
But not necessarily.
My personal taste is that most gals can benefit from some eye-enhancement and concealer, and shiny lip gloss can be helpful, too; I think the best makeup is when, after applied, the lady doesn't look like she's wearing makeup - and THAT, my young friend, is a true skill indeed! (No one, IMHO, BTW, is better at that than Sister Jo. But just because that's what I like doesn't mean that's what everyone likes. I stopped dating more than one girl because I thought she wore too much makeup, but you need to find what works for you. Experiment a little and, if anything, error on the side of "less is more".)
C) It's not a dumb question. I suspect many, many girls around the world feel exactly as you do.
You may want to check out "Bro Jo's HOW a GIRL CAN GET a GUY'S ATTENTION" - and take a look at the Facebook Discussion Board under "What do guys look for in a girl" - you may be surprised at what some of the guys have said . . .
- Bro Jo
PS - I suspect many of the guys your age think that you're, as my boys of the same age put it, "not painful to look at".
:)
[READERS: Checkout our related Facebook Discussion "Looking Your Best" HERE!]
9 comments:
It's not stupid to be concerned about how you will be when you're older, because that means you can start becoming how you want to be now! ALL girls (believe me, EVERY girl) goes through awkward stages where it's not easy to find clothes that flatter us or maybe there's not a style of makeup that is exactly right for our skin type quite yet, or maybe our hair is changing and we seem to have bad hair days EVERY day. Believe me, we all go through it and we do grow out of it.
Perhaps you can suggest to your young womens' leaders to have a girl's hygiene and fashion/makeup knowledge night. Maybe there's a lady or two in your ward who is skilled with makeup and hygiene and would be willing to come in and give the young women some pointers. We did that many times in my years of YW, and I learned quite a bit from those lessons and still apply that knowledge today.
It's important stuff to know, and it's kind of fun!
Hey, girl :]. For some reason, I felt I should comment on this...I'm seventeen and a few years ahead of you, but 14 wasn't THAT long ago. my mom sells Mary Kay makeup and has for quite some time. When I was about your age, I started wearing just a very little bit, and from the get-go my mom told me that the trick with makeup IS to make it look like you're not wearing any at all.
Less IS more...and I think Bro Jo's right. Maybe you're 13-14 years old and a bit awkward, but I'll bet you're not painful to look at at all.
My best friend once told me this and it became a favorite little phrase of mine regarding makeup: REAL beauty doesn't come off in the rain ;]
"Real beauty doesn't come off in the rain" - Love It!
Bro Jo -
I was really hoping a lot more reassurance. A hundred years ago, make-up was for the socialites, not for the every day people. Can you imagine farmer's wives and daughters wearing it? Yet they were all married and lived happy lives. I'm not anti-make up, but please don't tell someone that a little of this and that is what she needs, because she doesn't. If that's what men like, then state it. If not, don't say anything. Just be straight up. If that's what men require, then say it. Please, leave sugar to the cereal. I wish you would have also told her that she is strong NOT to wear it. There is so much pressure to be "pretty".
Candy -
First of all, breathe.
Secondly, there's nothing wrong with wanting to look attractive, and it's very possible that a "little of this and a little of that" is not only appropriate, but also effective.
And makeup is one of those things that not all guys universally agree about.
And if you go back and read what I wrote, that's exactly what I said.
Plus I gave you my take on what I like.
I know there's a lot of pressure on girls to look a certain way, and I applaud all of you who stand for modesty and righteousness in this over-sexualized world . . .
But I'm not going to go so far as to say that an anti-makeup bent is "strong".
Not giving into pressure is strong.
Failure to look your best in an appropriate way for your age is not "strong".
Find the balance.
- Bro Jo
PS - Check out our Facebook Fan Page Discussion on this topic!
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=52304699634&topic=15784
You know what, the most important thing is that you feel happy with how YOU look. If you feel like you're not all that pretty, what would you like to change? Smile more? laugh harder? wink, flirt? rid yourself of the nasty acne? There are somethings we can work on and others we can't. Personality is something we can strengthen. It's always more fun to be around people who enjoy life. Don't get caught up in it.
Last Sat. I got my hair cut. When I left I was talking to the lady about how I could keep the style she'd given me. Her answer? Practice. She said maybe on Sunday when everything had settled done after church I could just try different techniques, styles and products. It's really fun to do with a friend. Ask them how they do things . . . makeup, hair, etc ...
As for the makeup, you can practice with that too. I just started wearing it on a daily basis and if you knew how old I was, your jaw would drop. 35! I just used blush and lip gloss if that until now. If you aren't happy with how you look, I understand. But the most important thing you can do for yourself is to learn to love you for you. People can tell your level of confidence by how you carry yourself. If you act confident it rubs off on your mind and heart.
Makeup or no makeup, Go for it!
Amen!
- Bro Jo
Amen!
- Bro Jo
Bro Jo is totally right about part C!!
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