The Net

Dear Bro Jo,

I don't know where to start so I'll just jump in.

I am 18 years old and have been raised in the church.

I have had a good friend (who is male) since I was 14, he is also a member and is planning (hopfully) on going on his mission next year.

We have never dated although the subject has come up quite a few times.

I wouldn't mind dating him but there are complications that would make it rather difficult to have a 'normal' relationship so we have stayed friends.

Here is my problem. Every-time he gets a girlfriend I'm left out in the rain. He won't call, text, email or even send up a nice old fashion smoke signal. This goes on for a couple of weeks and then when they inevitably break up he calls me to talk about how he misses her.

How do I explain to him that although I don't necessarily want to date him, I don't want to be forgotten when he finds a cute new blonde to hang out with?

Yours Truly

Last Choice



Dear Choice,

I'm sorry that your friend is dumb.

Perhaps when he comes home from his mission he will have awakened to the wonderful girl that you are and wish that he had and could date you.

But I hope for your sake you're not available when he returns. If you are, and he's smartened up, I hope you make him beg.

Not too much.

But a little.

:)

Other than that, I think you're learning a very valuable axiom of life (and if you've read my column for a while, you may be able to guess what it is . . .)

You are no doubt choice, but he's not choosing you.

And, frankly, as long as you're there to be the back-up safety net he can fall into when the bimbo du jour turns out not to be what he expected, he'll never think of you as anything more.

I'd like you to wrap your head around one thing: when you finally do get a boyfriend, for the sake of continuity let's say it's this guy, how would you feel if he was constantly sending smoke signals to one of those other girls?

Don't say "fine". There's NO WAY you'd be fine. NO ONE is ever "fine" with their companion having a relationship with someone else.

If you're still wondering, the axiom is . . .

"Men Can't Be Just Close Friends with Women".

We have no right to complain about being wet when we're the ones standing in the rain.

If you ever want to be more than a friend, and it's clear you do, you'll need to cut give him an ultimatum.

Since he's leaving for the Mish soon, I wouldn't bother.

Not yet.

Better to move on.

Like I said: if you're still available when he comes back, then draw the line.

But don't wait around because, frankly little sister, it may never happen.

And you deserve better than that.

- Bro Jo


Dear Bro Jo,

You're right, I guess I need to re-watch When Harry Met Sally, boys and girls cannot be just friends.

Which is all I want from him. I'm tired of 'being his safety net' and 'back-up plan'. I just miss my friend. But thanks to you (thank you, thank you, thank you) I've realized I would rather have him out of my life than in and out and walking all over me.

I seriously doubt that he is going to notice my absence since him and his new beau have become more serious than any of his previous girlfriends, it wouldn't surprise me if they were to get engaged.

But if for some reason they do break up and he comes back I will read and re-read your email until I have the courage to tell him the truth.

Thank you again.

Choice


Dear Choice,

If you do re-watch the movie, only watch the “edited” version.

:)

Be Strong.

- Bro Jo