It's About . . . Time

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm writing to get your advice. I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18. He's amazing and I like him SO much. He's great for me. He's my perfect guy and meets all of my requirements... Well, MOST. And that's why I'm writing you.

One thing that really means a lot to me is TIME. I love spending time with (let's call him BOY). But I feel like I'm always the one setting everything up. I'm organizing dates (always group dates, by the way), etc. I can't remember a time when he's actually planned something. I've actually brought up the topic before to him. And it's always the same: "I have a tough schedule, a lot of stuff to do." Well, one day I looked at his schedule and compared it to mine. We're involved in the same activities in and out of school. The only real difference is that he has a larger family than I do. I don't know how much of a difference that makes.

Another reason that I've always been confused about him is the standards he's put up for us. Now, don't get me wrong, I really appreciate how he's viewed it. We're dating but he only wants us to go out on group dates. I agree, great choice. But we're DATING. Shouldn't that entitle some sort of one on one time? I don't think ALL THE TIME is a good idea, but just every once and a while. Like, a special occasion or something?

He's also decided that any kissing is out of the question. Of course there's no harm if we don't. We both have really strong morals, but I think he's going a little overboard to say "not at all". It kind of makes me feel like I'm more a "best friend" than a "girlfriend". He says he wants to kiss me but his parents would rather us not... I've never been kissed before so I'm oblivious. But in our school's musical we were both recently cast as the romantic leads. And, of course, just our luck, there's a stage kiss involved. I don't want to look like an idiot on stage, having my first kiss ever, with my boyfriend. Everyone knows we haven't kissed yet, and our director is just getting a kick out of it. Boy has had his first kiss (maybe insight as to why he doesn't want us to kiss?), he's even had plenty of stage kisses... He says he doesn't want to "steal mine away" that he doesn't want me to regret anything, that he respects me. I believe him.... but I need advice.

Those are the only frustrations I have with Boy. And just when the problems come up again, he always gives me some reason to remind me how much I DO like him. Example: Christmas day he heart attacked my front door and left me a present! :) It was great! He's always doing stuff like that. :)

People are always telling me to just talk to him about how I feel. To communicate. Sometimes I feel like I'm making all of these sacrifices for him and he's not doing much for me. What should I do?

-The Confused.



Dear The,

Your Boyfriend is a GENIUS.

You on the other hand, and I say this with love, are not.

Every reason you give, everything you want, is EXACTLY why I tell people your age to NOT get involved in committed relationships. Yeah, he should be the one setting up dates, but why should he when you're willing to do all of his work for him?

And it's clear why you do: if you didn't you wouldn't be "dating" at all. You'd be like every other girl at school that says she and her boyfriend are "dating" but they never really go out or go anywhere.

And I salute him for insisting that you only go on Casual Group Dates. If two teens are in an unrecommended "relationship", then prohibiting your wanted "alone time" is very prudent.

I don't see anything wrong with a kiss goodnight or goodbye between you two, but if he's not ready, you're wrong to push him.

Now, something does seem weird, and I'm not sure if it's more that he's waiting to kiss you but has no problem kissing other girls, or if it's that the two of you are pretending that kissing is no big deal if it's in a play. Color it anyway you want, "stage kissing" is still kissing; trust me (I went to a performing arts high school and have a degree in Theater, Television and Film), lips are lips, whether there's an audience or not (are his parents clueless, in denial, or is he lying to you about their wishes?).

(Related Tangent: and you can share this with your director, a first kiss should NEVER happen on stage, if your first time is during a show yes, you will look like an idiot. That means, so that we're all on the same page, you're going to have to rehearse kissing him, and that will include various "who's watching" scenarios. Weird. Good luck.)

The only thing I see that "Boy" is doing wrong is that he should be Casually Group Dating lots of different girls, not just you.

You, my friend, need to be going on dates with other guys and to stop pushing for alone time and kissing.

I'm not naive; I know that despite my repeated council teenage boys and girls will get into . . . "relationships"; I just don't recommend it. Your guy is doing the best he can not to mess up either the boyfriend-girlfriend thing or put either of you in situations that will be too tempting.

You should be grateful.

And yes, you need to communicate better.


- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you so much! I think that's the first time I've ever laughed at my own stupidity and blindness! HAHA! Thanks for kicking me back into reality. :)

- The No Longer Confused.



Dear No Longer,

Harshness, but with love!

Oh, and by the way, stop setting up all the dates. He needs to do that.

- Bro Jo