Passionate Kissing and Petting Defined

Dear Bro Jo--

So, the church is pretty straightforward about most things, but I think there are a few things where they say "don't do this" and you have no idea where the words they used draw the line. So I was hoping you could shed some light on the subject?

The first question I have has to do with kissing (what else!? ;D). In the Strength of Youth pamphlet, it says not to participate in "passionate kissing". But this doesn't seem so clear to me. I mean, every kiss has got to have some sort of passion behind it, or kissing wouldn't be wonderful, right? Without a little bit of passion, kissing would come to be like shaking hands, and I'm pretty sure the Church doesn't intend it to be like that. But, on the other end of the spectrum are those hot and heavy makeout sessions on the movies with arms racing and tongues flying...and i'm pretty sure that's not right, either. So where do I draw the line?

The second area of confusion is the guidance that says "no petting". Luckily, this seems to leave less gray area than "passionate kissing" does, but the main problem here is that I don't think a lot of youth actually know what "petting" entails. Which, you know, can be dangerous, if you know the edge is there, but you don't know what it is. You're pretty much bound to fall off. I have some friends who are, as you might say, "Close Friends" and on occasion, they'll be sitting watching a movie or something and she'll reach over and start to draw circles on his knee or something like that. Does that count? Or back rubs? Or playing with another's hair? Please advise!!

Thanks so much for your help :)

-- Definition Daft


Dear Dee Dee,

Well . . . I'm no Church spokesperson, but here's what I think.

I think what makes a kiss "passionate" is intent and duration. If the intent is to seduce or get somewhere else, or kissing for the sake of making out, that's too far. If you want me to be graphic, I think anything that involves probing tongues has crossed the line to too much passion for teens; if you have to wipe your face off after kissing (or even in between), you've gone too far. For more of my take on that, check out "Bro Jo's GUIDE to KISSING".

Petting typically means the touching of breasts or genitalia. However, I think the back rubs, knee holding, leg circles, hair playing, and any form of massage is all inappropriate. Trust me. I have seven children; I know exactly how enticing a massage and all of that other stuff can be. Think of it this way, as a married guy if any guy tried any of that stuff with my wife I'd hit him hard and fast, no questions asked.

Another rule of thumb for teens and kissing and touching, if you wouldn't do it at the dinner table in front of Grandma; if it takes being in the dark, sitting or laying down, being alone or under a blanket, you shouldn't be doing it.

Is that straightforward enough?

- Bro Jo