What does it mean when she's touchy-flirty with other guys?

Dear Bro Jo

I have a dilemma I would really like you to help me out with.

I'm 15 (16 in two months!)

She's also 15 and 6 months until 16.

Both temple-worthy members (at least on my part)

Half a year ago there was a girl that I used to like a lot, she liked me back and we got along very well. However all of a sudden she started liking another guy while at the same time she would be very friendly, flirty, and would hug me all the time. I just got the feeling that she was pretending to like me, and had really found another interest. Feeling hurt and somewhat betrayed I decided I wasn't going to waste my time and just let go, I'm 15 after all. I know I'm an attractive person and she isn't the last fish in the sea, so I should just go have fun. We live a ways away so after a talk about my feelings we gradually stopped texting/calling each other.

Where the problem starts is recently we started talking again. Predictably, we started the flirting again. Although I've been hurt by her before, I can't seem to stop myself from feeling attracted to her. She is very confusing because she is very touchy-feely with other guys. She is the kind of girl who will cuddle with her friends for movies and hold hands with them (who are guys, and I know you're views on that) I know she flirts with at least 2 other guys the same way she does with me. Not casual flirting, but not sexual. She claims that of guys she's attracted to I'm tied for 1st (although I think ranking is just wrong).

A mutual friend that is close to both of us claims that she simply finds it hard to go back to liking someone after their feelings for each other stopped. That she has trouble seeing things working out after they've failed. She thinks I stopped liking her first, so she stopped liking me. I think she stopped liking me first, which is why I stopped in the first place! I am just so confused as to what to do, she knows I really like her, we spend time together, and she even invited me to her house, but yet she is so liberal with other guys. I don't know if our relations are anything different.


I think my options are:

Just continue being myself, flirting, having fun, and wait it out

Stop flirting, stay friendly,

Or move on.


Thank you,


-Mr. I hope she reads this



Dear Hope,

1. All flirting is, on some level, sexual; even if one is joking or has no serious intentions anything going anywhere. That doesn't mean that flirting is bad or verboten, but here I insist on calling things what they are. Still, I get your point.

2. You shouldn't, at this point in life, be doing anything that (either real or implied) leads to a serious relationship. In two months it will be time to go on Casual group Dates, and when it comes to girls that should be your focus.

3. With this girl what you see is what you get. Just like the computer language (WYSIWYG). She's casual with her relationships, uses flirting and the responses she gets to make herself feel better (which includes confirming to her own attractiveness), and liberally hits on everyone. It also sounds like she's manipulative and, dare I say so, more than just a little physically willing and aggressive. If I were you I might think about taking her on Casual Group Dates (when she's old enough), but I wouldn't get my heart set on anything (certainly not anything serious) and, given her pattern of behavior, I wouldn't get my heart broken when she social-climb-flirts her way into a relationship with someone that ain't you.

Still flirt. Still be a Good Guy. Don't take anything too seriously, and don't get yourself in a position where this girl could get you in trouble.

- Bro Jo