Dear Bro Jo
Thanks for your reply.
I'm not wanting to go on date after date, with no intention of getting serious. I don't have time for that.
When a girl does give me the opportunity to date her, I am always looking to carry it further. I have clearly defined goals in my dating which involve serious dating and courtship, leading to marriage in the near future.
However, my dilemma is convincing girls that I am worth their time. I need "How to get a girl to go out with you", and after that "How to keep that girl going out with you".
How should I best go about achieving the first, and after I've done that, achieving the second?
Disappointed
Dear Disappointed,
Both will be fun lists to give you, but first help me out; something isn't quite tracking between your letters.
You said in the first letter that you go on a date a week. If that's true, then I frankly don't see how you need "how to get a girl to go out with you" advice.
Once you're on the first date, what's happening to make you think that you're not worth their time? They're already on a date with you, so what happens?
Help me out here: tell me about the last couple girls you asked out. Who were they, what did you do, and why were there no subsequent dates with the same girls?
- Bro Jo
PS - I can't shake the feeling that you're looking for generic answers to solve a specific problem. Who is it that you wish was taking you seriously that isn't? Are you not getting the quantity of dates you say you are or think you should? Or is the quality of those dates poor?
3 comments:
I'm confused as well. Here this guy says he can't get a date beyond the first, but says he has had girlfriends in the past. Either he is in denial, or is focusing purely on recent experiences with girls.
He's not going into very much detail here as to what is driving these girls away either. I mean, I know that there are plenty of guys who struggle to get past a first date, however, he's not really offering a lot of evidence for his case. No offense, but he seems to just be stuck in a negative attitude, as I myself have been at times, towards the dating scene. I struggled for a while to go beyond a first date with someone, and very likely could in the future as well, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. It just means you have to keep working at it. I don't know. Maybe the remaining post(s) have more information to explain his situation.
Now, if he's saying he's struggling to get a marriage commitment out of the girls he's dating that's one thing, but simply going beyond a first date, I'm not really seeing what this guy is looking for, except perhaps an easy way out.
If a girl is having a good time with a guy, thinks that things with this guy could honestly work, and feels a connection with the guy, then there would be no question about wanting to go on a second date with him.
A good mature woman works the same way as a guy would. Stuff like this happens all the time. You go on a date with a nice guy and a normal girl would not consider dating him again if 1 of those 3 things are not there.
Patience is the key to dating. Dating is different for different people. For some people they are able to attract a lot of people, other guys don't. It's the same with girls and guys.
Perhaps Disappointed was simply overcompensating based on the questions Bro Jo had given him, but what worries me about this letter in connection to the last is when he says "I am always looking to carry it further." The word "always" is a little concerning, and then later, "my dilemma is convincing girls." Fundamentally, it seems that Dilemma is viewing dating as a sales pitch, and he's trying to get the buyer that will help him get into heaven. Bro Jo's right that the time for Casual dating is long past, but that doesn't mean we must forgo developing authentic relationships. Being a part of someone's life doesn't require "convincing" or as Dilemma told us last time being the most Priesthoody of all the Priesthood holders. It requires seeing and appreciating someone for who they are and can become, a task I worry Disappointed may have a difficult time with given the limited views of women he showed in his last letter.
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