Dear Bro Jo,
I'm still pretty new to your blog, but I think you are the perfect person to ask my question to.
I am in my first year at BYU, and almost 19. And there's this guy.... My FHE brother. He is the indisputable Heartthrob of Heritage Halls. From what I've heard from my other FHE brothers, girls will randomly show up at their door and introduce themselves. There have also been several 'marriage proposals' written on their windows. He is an amazing guy. He is Elder's Quorum President, spiritual, attractive, nice to everyone, and he has a great smile.
I've been thinking about writing him on his mission (he leaves in about a month), but I've never written a missionary before. I don't have any brothers or close guy friends. My sister is going on a mission about the same time he leaves, so I will be writing her. I'd also write a few other guy friends who are leaving soon.
I'm not overly worried about writing my friends, but I'm nervous about writing this guy I like. We aren't super close at all, but we have been "brother and sister" for the last eight or nine months, and we're friends. But so many other girls will probably write him, too. And I wouldn't even know what to say! Most of all, I don't want to be one of those girls who writes to a guy out of the blue, when they weren't close friends before his mission.
I guess what I'm saying is, I want to write him. I know I can't be anything more than friends with him on his mission, but I think friends is a good start. Do you think it would awkward for me to write to him? I haven't written to my FHE brothers who left for their missions after fall semester- and I don't want this guy I like to think I'm a weirdo or a freak or something. (Yes, I am very self-conscious.)
What might help the situation... I would like to become better friends with him before he goes, even though we only have three weeks left of school (will you even get back to me by then?). I am pretty sure he doesn't want to get involved with anyone - and neither do I- but I wouldn't be opposed to hanging out more, of even a date. I have read your lists of "how to get a guy to ask you out" and such, but I don't think I can completely turn myself around and be all flirty and forward. I wouldn't want to freak him out by texting or calling him sometime just to hang out- he's never given me his number, although it is in the ward directory.
(Wow, this was longer than I thought it would be!)
SO, in case you tuned out my rambling, I think my question boils down to this: How can I become good enough friends with this guy to comfortably write him on his mission?
I don't know why, but I REALLY like this guy. He is just about as perfect as a preemie can be. But going up against the competition is daunting...
I would love to hear anything you have to say on the subject!
Thinking, waiting, wishing....
A Fretting Freshman
Dear Fretting,
Missionaries LOVE getting letters. In May, 2010, I wrote a column about "Writing a Missionary"; you may want to check it out.
The guy leaves in a month, so I wouldn't worry about dating him until he comes home. In fact, if he asks you on a date between here and then it might be best to say: "You seem like a good guy, but this close to your mission you should be focusing on that. Tell you what, we can write to each other once in a while, while you're gone, and if I'm still single when you get back, why don't you ask me out then".
That's a win-win for you.
I have a feeling that the girl that gets this guy will be the girl that makes HIM work for HER, and not the other way around.
The "How a Girl Can Get a Guy to Ask Her on a Date" stuff works (very well actually), and this is one of those moments where I DON'T think it should be used.
Not on this guy at this time, anyway.
- Bro Jo
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