Asking a Boy Out

Hey Brother Jo,

I just began a dating class through BYU Independent Study. (Actually I was surprised that you weren't teaching it.)

Because of the class I decided that it would be okay to ask a boy out since we are both over the age of 25. When I asked him out, I told him that I had a movie gift pass for myself so he wouldn't have to worry about me. I would have rather been asked out by him, but since he hadn't asked me out, I figured that since I was doing the asking I should at least pay for myself.

I haven't been asked out for a LONG time, so I decided to make it happen. However I don't want guys thinking that I'm some liberal girl and scare them all off. What do you think?

-Forward Gal


Dear Gal,

I’m not a big fan of girls asking guys out, regardless of their age. Instead I advocate “Girls Getting Guys to Ask Them Out”. There are some tips and tricks for that, some of which I’ll share at the end of this post. When girls ask guys out, for most guys, it removes the challenge aspect, and actually makes them less attractive – maybe it’s our need to be the hunter, I don’t know . . .

When I was a young buck I briefly dated a girl who was funny, intelligent (4.0 pre-law) and stunning, but she was so eager to be my girlfriend it was a huge turn off. At first I was flattered that such a high-quality girl would take any interest in me. I liked the attention: she called all the time, was very complimentary, and would come over to visit me whenever I asked her to. Soon instead of being flattered, I was scared, then irritated, then annoyed. She agreed with everything I said, all the time! It quickly wore old and became, well . . . pathetic.

She was one of the last girls I dated before Sister Jo, who refused to call me, never gave in if she thought she was right, and never, NEVER, came to get me; she always required that I make the effort for her.

See girls, you need to understand something: like so many things in life, we value more that which we have to work hard for.

Now, I have to be a little brutally honest with you here: You didn’t ask a Guy out.

See a Date, a REAL DATE, requires that the asker do three things: Plan, Pick Up, and Pay.

(Ever hear that before?)

You Planned, but you only Paid for yourself, and I’m guessing that you didn’t Pick Up.

(And that’s good, by the way, that you didn’t actually take this guy on a date)

Unless it’s a special “Girl-Ask-Guy” event, no matter how long since you’ve gone out, don’t give in. Instead, get him to ask you out.

I think the best way for a girl to do that is to come right out and say:

“Hey, when are you going to take me out?”

If he says “never” then realize that he’s a loser and move on.

If he says “I don’t know” then respond with “Gee, I thought you were smarter than that” and move on (he’ll hopefully clue in).

If he says anything else indicating that he’d like to take you out, encourage him to have a plan. You can even say “I love movies; I can be ready Friday by 7pm; put together a Plan and call me later today” and give him your number.

You may scare a few, off but those aren’t the guys you want anyway. Most likely what you’ll be doing is giving some training that many guys need, including Husbands and Future Husbands.

Sister Jo says that learning to be Persuasively Flirty is one of the best techniques a Young Woman can learn.

- Bro Jo


BTW - I'd love to teach that class!