You are 17, Going on 18 . . .

Dear Bro Jo,

I am a seventeen year old girl (almost eighteen), and I have never been asked out on a date.

My parents say not to stress about it and that I will most likely be asked out when I get to college but I still feel like I must not be very pretty since no guys like me.

I feel left out when all my friends talk about their dates and stuff at church on Sundays. So I was just wondering if I should change how I act around guys or if I should just continue with my life and hope for the best?

I have a fear that I will never date or get married and I'll die single. Making it impossible for me to go to the Celestial Kingdom. Thanks for reading this, and thanks for all the great advice on your blog.

~Rissa, Las Vegas

PS: You may come up with a pseudonym if you want but Rissa is not my real name so I don't mind if you use that.


Dear Rissa,

Some of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever known didn’t date much, if at all, in High School, including Sister Jo (and she’s a Hottie!). Author Stephenie Meyer (LDS writer of the Twilight Series) says that she was very “unpopular” with boys until she went to college, so you’re in good company!

Your parents are right, don’t worry about it; as I’ve written often, boys are dumb. (Some guys INTENTIONALLY don’t ask out girls they really like in High School so they can “save” them as possible marriage prospects when they come home from the mission – rarely works out for those boys though. . .)

I don’t know how you act around boys, so I certainly can’t tell you to change, but I will tell you this: you need to be the type of person you want to marry. What that means is that if you want to marry a Temple worthy guy, be Temple worthy. If you want to marry a smart guy, be smart. If you want to marry a grateful guy, be grateful; if you want to marry an athlete, be athletic . . .

(See the pattern?)

There have been many great and wonderful women that don’t have the opportunity to get married here upon the earth. There are also many good sisters that marry when they’re older, and that’s OK too!

One thing you need to know is that it’s incumbent upon Men to marry in the Temple to enter the Celestial Kingdom, not Women. That’s Doctrine. You don’t have to get married here to still have a shot at the CK after this life, guys do.

You just have to remain worthy and endure to the end.

Now, all of that said, there are a few skills you can practice that will help bring you to the attention of boys.

1. Practice Talking to Boys. Ask THEM about THEM, everyone likes that, especially guys. Don’t be too loud. If I hear one common complaint from guys it’s that so-and-so is very pretty but she’s SO LOUD!

2. Flirt a little. Smile; look guys in the eye when you speak to them (the trick is to pick one eye and focus on that, don’t “bounce back and forth” from eye to eye) – don’t stare! – occasionally after you make eye contact, look down and then back up in his eyes – that’s good stuff, trust me!; touch them on the arm – we guys are suckers for the arm touching; sit close – not on his lap (that’s dumb, and WAY too risky), but close enough that no one could squeeze between you.

3. Make yourself available. What I mean is, put yourself in situations where Good Guys can get to know you. I can’t begin to tell you how many Single Sisters over 25 whine to me about not being married but they never go to the Singles Ward (or, for those over 30, never went); don’t go to activities, and don’t socialize AT ALL – tough for Good Guys to even know they’re datable if they’re never around. Go to all the Dances and all your Activities. If your Stake doesn’t dance, get on the Committee and change that.

4. Do the best with what you’ve got. Dress nice. Be clean. Be YOU (you are a daughter of God, after all! That means you intrinsically have value just being yourself).

5. Smell good. Don’t drench yourself in perfume; there’re some hairsprays out there that boys get pretty excited about; I don’t know what they are, I just see the reaction when a girl who smells nice gets in the van (I’ve asked girls, and the closest I’ve gotten is “I don’t know, Bro Jo, it’s in a purple can” – Help Readers? - The hairsprays that seem to work are fruity, coconuty or marshmallowy,). Have gum or tic-tacks readily available.

6. Be Fit. Not everyone can be Supermodel Skinny or WNBA Athletic, but take care of yourself and be active. Sitting around doing nothing isn’t attractive.

Start there and see if things change a little.

Sister Jo says be careful that when boys start asking you out that you’re not TOO eager. Make them work a little, be calm when you accept a date (she suggests never saying "yes" right away, always say “that sounds fun; let me check my calendar; can you call later tonight?” - maked him call you - he needs to work a little; keep him respecting you), and never lower your standards.

Thanks for reading “Dear Bro Jo”, and thanks for writing!

Hang in there! The best is yet to come,

- Bro Jo