Going to a Church School

Dear Bro Jo,

My son is fighting with his mother and I over whether or not he should attend a Church School in the Fall. He'll be a Freshman, having not yet put in his Mission Papers. We'd like him to stay close and save his money, he wants to go to Rexburg for the social aspect (read: more girls to date). You've mentioned in your column that pre-mission boys should not be worried about dating seriously, shouldn't he stay home?

- Idaho Dad


Dear Dad,

There's nothing wrong with spending that time between High School and Mission in your Home Town attending the local Student Ward, but going away to College can be a pretty valuable experience.

If your only concern about the Y-of-I decision is the money that might get spent, offer a deal: he can go, but he can't touch X-amount of money that you, he and your wife put in a special account. Place in that account enough dough to cover the mission and a little extra (say, $2000) for when he comes home.

However, that's not really the issue, is it?

It sounds like he wants to date without parental supervision and you and your wife think that's a bad idea. Are you worried that he'll find the girl of his dreams and that discovery will either taint his mission (with weepy "I love and miss you" letters) or prohibit it altogether?

Have faith! First of all, pre-mission boys are a skosh lonelier at LDS colleges than you all may realize. All the girls there (at least the good ones) know that those soon-to-be-leaving boys are, well, soon-to-be-leaving, and therefore not hot marriage prospects. Secondly, with no-dough he'll have to be a creative dater, fun, but not exactly sweeping sisters of their feet. Third, he'll have to compete for dates with guys who are older, closer to being able to support a family, and have already served - if anything he'll realize the importance of those things to the girls around him and be inspired to follow in those good foot steps.

And, if he really does get a girlfriend, she'll either dump him while he's gone (making him One Focused Missionary) or she'll hang in there and be a good marriage prospect when he comes home.

Lastly, and you may not want to hear this, it sounds like it will be good for both he an you if your son lives on his own for a while. He's gotten into a good school, cut the cord, dad!

Think of this as a really long Scout Camp, with worse food and hundreds more leaders.

Trust your boy. It'll be OK.

- Bro Jo