The Great Unknown

Dear Bro Jo,

I wish my fiancé would have broken up with me before we were engaged. Sometimes I wonder if the only reason he asked me to marry him was because we were at BYU and he felt pressured because we'd been dating for so long.

When I fasted and prayed about it, I really felt good about it, so I said, "Yes." But to break up with someone three months before the big day and then never even talk to her again even you're in the same Ward can really break a girl's heart and make her wonder what on Earth happened?

- Ex-fiancé


Dear E.F,

I understand that you’re heartbroken, and I agree that he should have called it off earlier, but I think you should be grateful. Seriously, what was the alternative? That you marry this guy? You wouldn’t want to marry a guy that really doesn’t want to marry you, right?

Maybe some day he’ll come clean, until he does there’s no way to know why he broke it off, but better to cancel the Wedding than to be in a bad marriage.

When Bro Jo was young he had a girlfriend that he was really starting to fall for. We worked together and one day at work we made plans to go out to dinner. She never showed. (Keep in mind that this was an established mutually-exclusive relationship) I called her home (this is before the days of cell phones, kids), no answer. I was really starting to worry about her. I went to her home. No one there; I was freaking out!

I couldn’t sleep all night. The next day we were supposed to work together; she wasn’t there. No answer at home. Long story short: she quit work, never took my calls, and I never saw her again; ever.

I went by her home every few weeks for several months, hoping to someday run into her parents or someone that could tell me what happened. One time her mom finally came to the door. She wouldn’t let me in, wouldn’t let me talk to her . . . but finally conceded to promise to give her a note that I quickly scribbled on a small piece of paper I found in my car (the mom wouldn’t give me paper, either); for all I know she tossed it.

In the note I said that I’d really worried about her, that if she no longer wanted to see me that I’d understand, but I cared about her and wished we could talk. I gave the mom the note and she disappeared inside the house. I came by a few more times over the next while, but no one ever came to the door again.

I’ll never understand why she just didn’t come out and say “hey, you’re a nice guy, but it’s not working out” or ANYTHING that would have at least let me know SOMETHING.

The point of the story is this: sometimes relationships end, not because of anything we did or didn’t do, in fact we may never know the real reason these things happen. It’s painful and weird, but ultimately for the best.

Consider this whole ordeal as one of those trials that will make you stronger. Hold your head up and keep dating. Sister Jo says you should move; I say make sure that every time you go to Church you look so hot he wants to cry.

- Bro Jo