I’m sending this question as it’s been bugging for me awhile: what is classed appreciable for friends (e.g. young men and young women)?
I’m confused about this as apparently some people (our ward’s Bishopric) have said hugging is wrong, or at least something YM and YW shouldn’t do till they are at the dating age apparently, which I find almost laughable as it is a greeting in my ward and the said Bishopric haven’t given any real reasons for us not to hug other than, its wrong and inappropriate.
If you could expand their lack it would be great!
-Annoyed and confused-
Dear Annoyed,
First of all I think you should lighten up on that Bishopric a little. In addition to having families and jobs (and lives), most Bishoprics put 20+ hours a week into their callings – each – with the Bishop often putting in much more time than that. While you’re sleeping in on Sunday morning these guys are up and at Church meetings. If you sustain them in their callings, which you should, you need to recognize the Bishop’s ability to receive revelation on behalf of his Ward – it’s not his responsibility to explain everything to you; it’s your responsibility to follow a man called of God.
By your explanation, it sounds like your Bishopric is OK with all teens over 16 hugging to their heart’s content. If that’s true (which I doubt) then the only reason you’d have a problem with that council is if you’re either under 16 and would like a little more hugging, or over 16 and desperately want to hug some Beehives and Mia Maids. Either way I say “slow down, Mr. Octopus!” - there’s plenty of time for hugging later.
You may want to consider that your Bishopric sees more hugging going on than is appropriate for you pre-dating aged kids, and if you and your friends view Full-body Physical Contact (as some hugs are) as “no big deal” and a “typical greeting” in your ward, you’re well advised to knock it off!
Why?
Because if you guys are that touchy-feely when you’re just seeing each other at Church, what will be happening when you’re older and going on Dates?
Here’s another possibility – maybe your Bishopric is telling you Young Men to do less Hugging because you’re Bothering the Young Women, and if they don’t get you to stop one of you (probably You Specifically) is going to get punched by a girl who feels the need to defend her personal space.
Don’t get me wrong. I like hugging - When and Where it’s appropriate.
Now, “Dear Bro Jo” is read around the globe, so I recognize that not all cultures view all contact the same way, but everywhere I’ve been, and every culture I’ve talked to, has a line that needs to be drawn when it comes to appropriate physical contact. (And I think all of You Readers know where that line is)
My Brother, let me suggest to you that girls will find you MORE attractive if you become a little more Exclusive in your physical contact. Just like Kissing and Holding Hands (and everything else physical), Hugging is more special if it’s limited.
I know that when a guy hits a certain age (not the same age for every guy, mind you) that the hormonal desire to Touch Girls can be, well . . . Quite Powerful! Not all of us deal with this in the same way, but if you’ve become one of those guys that can’t seem to keep his hands and arms to himself, hugging and touching every girl in sight, you need to know that MANY girls find that to be REALLY OBNOXIOUS. (You may not be as "annoyed" as you are "annoying")
My advice?
Play it cool.
Save the affection for later.
- Bro Jo
If you could expand their lack it would be great!
-Annoyed and confused-
Dear Annoyed,
First of all I think you should lighten up on that Bishopric a little. In addition to having families and jobs (and lives), most Bishoprics put 20+ hours a week into their callings – each – with the Bishop often putting in much more time than that. While you’re sleeping in on Sunday morning these guys are up and at Church meetings. If you sustain them in their callings, which you should, you need to recognize the Bishop’s ability to receive revelation on behalf of his Ward – it’s not his responsibility to explain everything to you; it’s your responsibility to follow a man called of God.
By your explanation, it sounds like your Bishopric is OK with all teens over 16 hugging to their heart’s content. If that’s true (which I doubt) then the only reason you’d have a problem with that council is if you’re either under 16 and would like a little more hugging, or over 16 and desperately want to hug some Beehives and Mia Maids. Either way I say “slow down, Mr. Octopus!” - there’s plenty of time for hugging later.
You may want to consider that your Bishopric sees more hugging going on than is appropriate for you pre-dating aged kids, and if you and your friends view Full-body Physical Contact (as some hugs are) as “no big deal” and a “typical greeting” in your ward, you’re well advised to knock it off!
Why?
Because if you guys are that touchy-feely when you’re just seeing each other at Church, what will be happening when you’re older and going on Dates?
Here’s another possibility – maybe your Bishopric is telling you Young Men to do less Hugging because you’re Bothering the Young Women, and if they don’t get you to stop one of you (probably You Specifically) is going to get punched by a girl who feels the need to defend her personal space.
Don’t get me wrong. I like hugging - When and Where it’s appropriate.
Now, “Dear Bro Jo” is read around the globe, so I recognize that not all cultures view all contact the same way, but everywhere I’ve been, and every culture I’ve talked to, has a line that needs to be drawn when it comes to appropriate physical contact. (And I think all of You Readers know where that line is)
My Brother, let me suggest to you that girls will find you MORE attractive if you become a little more Exclusive in your physical contact. Just like Kissing and Holding Hands (and everything else physical), Hugging is more special if it’s limited.
I know that when a guy hits a certain age (not the same age for every guy, mind you) that the hormonal desire to Touch Girls can be, well . . . Quite Powerful! Not all of us deal with this in the same way, but if you’ve become one of those guys that can’t seem to keep his hands and arms to himself, hugging and touching every girl in sight, you need to know that MANY girls find that to be REALLY OBNOXIOUS. (You may not be as "annoyed" as you are "annoying")
My advice?
Play it cool.
Save the affection for later.
- Bro Jo
7 comments:
Haha! Oh dear! I guess it really is different around the globe. Across the atlantic ocean (Sweden) we love hugs! In my tiny branch as well as in the bigger wards. We love them from other girls and from boys. It's a way of greeting eachother, a way of cheering up someone when they've had a bad day. Hugs are good! But ofcourse they should be brief and respectful not 5 minutes and hands below the waist.
Anna -
I agree that a hug can be an appropriate greeting, particularly given the parameters you suggest - but look again at the original letter - what kind of hugs must be going on between this young man and the young women in his ward for his Bishopric to recommend that they stop?
- Bro Jo
I enjoy hugs, but I enjoy them even more when they're given at appropriate times. Which lucky for me, they are. The only times guys have ever given me hugs is either saying good bye after a date like prom, when they leave for college/on their mission/any other thing that I won't be seeing them for quite some time, or when he/I made a great achievement that deserves a rewarding hug. Hugs are special to me in that way because it's not necessarily focused on having close physical contact with the opposite sex. It's a significant expression of gratitude, or a very large "congratulations!" :)
Bro Jo-
You're absolutely right. I did mean that hugs are a good thing and should be. I think it may be an "age-thing" that younger people just don't see it as that big of a deal. I did not mean that he should disrespect his Bishopric. It's one thing to not understand and therefore with him on a personal level but the Bishopric is most probably right and I do think he should listen to him and that he should keep in mind that the Bishopric wouldn't tell them to stop if the Bishopric didn't care or had their best interest in mind.
I agree with Bro Jo's last comment. There's a young man in my stake who is a great guy, but he hugs/slings his arm around/flirts with all the girls, and I find it a little out of line. That's not to say those things are inheritantly evil, but there is a time and place for it.
This kid's Bishop is handling a pretty sad situation. I've seen it happen myself. I had a mate (I'm Australian, I can say that) who seriously considered hugs a kind of "score". He often bragged to me about how many girls he'd hugged in one night.
If the fellas in this kid's ward think hugs are signs of affection they need to think again (I should know, I was a guy who was temporarily sucked into this too). After a while you notice- girls hug each other too.
i agree with Bro jo and jam jar
At my school the guys would have a contest to see who got the most hugs
(if you huged them back or not that was counted as one hug)
...hugs from girls i mean.
(im a girl btw) and yeah its anoyin when you get a hugd randomly and out of the blue especially when your getin them from alot of guys.
Like one guy after school we just you know go to the bus stop leave for home and all that and then he came right behind me and hugged me and well yeah i wasnt really happy about that lol i punched him (in the shoulder) and yeah that taught him lol
i knew it was only a joke but i was like "can you not hug me".
yeah the last time we hugged was at the end of the year/school hahaha.
YES a hug CAN BE ANNOYING!!! depending on the way or how many you give.
.. but hug can be alrgiht as well if its short and your not expecting anything from that hug.
the longest hugs ive seen are between family members and people saying goodbye to men that are leaving for their mish.
(mish-mission)
yeah long hugs are given mostly as GOODBYES.
...
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