First off I just wanna say I love all of your advice and I've used the advice you've given to other writers.
As a little background, I'm 15 was born and raised in the church my parents are both strong members and are very strict when it comes to church standards and "rules"
There is no excuse for my behavior, but I think that because of the strict enforcement of the dating rule. . . it made me rebel. I'll try to make the story short :)
People are always telling me I am beautiful and such a nice girl. . . Specially people in the church, my leaders are always pointing me out as the good girl who does everything right. . . and I'm afraid that if they found out about this, They'd think very different of me.
A few months ago, I started to talk to a boy that goes to my stake, He is turning 18. After talking to him a lot, and with in mind that I just wanted to be friends with him, he started to flirt with me, in which I started to flirt back. . . I then realized he was cute, and I loved the attention, so we both admitted we had a crush on each other. But we soon set rules, we were going to follow the For strength of the youth and wait till I was 16 to start a relationship. He was very good at reminding me of that rule often, but as time went on, he started to forget that rule.
It started out as him just calling me pet names, like Honey, Babe or Baby. Which I didn't find a problem with, I was enjoying the attention. He lives in a different ward, so I only got to see him when we had stake activity's...which isn't often.
The next step was him holding my hand. I felt so pretty and beautiful and amazing. Whenever he reminded me that he cared about me, I felt loved. I started to get uncomfortable with the way things were going, when he convinced me that we should have our "first kiss". I knew that I didn't want to, because I knew it was wrong, but I did anyway. He got me to sneak out during a dance, and he tried to start making out. . . but I stopped him, and left. A few days later he texted me, telling me I was amazing and I was all he ever wanted. I felt like I was going to be sick. I ended all contact with him. Which made him really mad.
He tried to blame everything on me, the fact that things got so serious. I knew better then to blame it all on him, but he was the one that pressured me into doing it.
I have forgiven myself for the mistake I made, and I feel like Heavenly Father has forgiven me for breaking a standard. . .
The problem now is, I feel like I can't go to Stake activities. Because he is there. Whenever I'm around him I feel very uncomfortable and that if people find out about it. . .they will treat me differently. I know that sounds really shallow. . . .
So my question is. .
What can I do to get over that feeling of embarrassment and regret and go and enjoy myself with my friends at these activities? And is this something I should talk to my bishop about?
Thanks so much!!
(name withheld)
Thank you for the kind words.
First of all, no rule or enforcement thereof "made you" rebel; that was your choice. Saying something "made you" is just a way to excuse the behavior and not accept responsibility for your actions. You're 15, not a baby, you've got to own your decisions and actions.
Secondly, when it comes to repentance or getting back on track, never let the opinions of others keep you from doing the right thing; especially fellow Church members. Often letting people we trust who love us know what we're struggling with will help them help us. Will people think differently of you? Possibly, but that's not important beyond it encouraging us to do the right thing. Anyone who finds out about something that you did and regret and have repented of that treats you as less of a person frankly isn't much of a friend.
Third, I'm proud of you for listening to the Spirit tell you that something was wrong and then following those promptings to change the course of action. Good Girl. Never forget how important it is to have the Spirit constantly in your life. And it's good you forgave yourself; while you're right that it wasn't the best choice, how you felt was normal, and (dare I say it) kissing at your age (while not recommended for overuse) is not a disaster. Being alone in the dark with a boy gives me greater concern than that you smooched him. More than that, I'm concerned about Why you did it: giving in to pressure (external or internal) and doing something that you feel is wrong because you like (and want to be liked by) the person (or peer group) you're with is always bad. You need to be guarded against that tendency from here on out. You know the signs, so be extra careful.
Fourth, there's nothing wrong with blaming him. Sure, you're right to accept responsibility, too, but the dude is an 18 year old man and, believe me, he knew (and knows) exactly what he's doing. Your friends and leaders need to know that being around him makes you uncomfortable, and while you don't want to gossip, a few trusted people can be told why. Again, armed with that knowledge they'll be more likely to understand why you feel the way you do, and better prepared to help you. Whenever we do something we regret it takes time to get over it, but we should never allow the way we feel to keep us from righteous things (like activities and dances). You may not believe the large quantities of people who use the same things you're feeling as an excuse to go inactive. You should know now how important it is to keep the Spirit as your constant companion, and consistently putting yourself in righteous places (especially when you feel Satan giving you excuses not to go) goes a long way towards helping you keep the Spirit. Focus on your friends, on the music, on the fact that's it's better to be at an activity than to have a root canal, anything to help you see the positive. The more involved you are, the faster you'll get over the embarrassment.
Fifth, anytime you feel prompted to talk to your Bishop, do. The guideline is if there's any question in your mind that you may not be worthy to partake of the Sacrament or go to the Temple. That said, if you've been completely forthcoming about what transpired between you and this boy, and all we're talking about is some kissing at a Stake Dance, I think you're OK. If you're still worried about it, pray. If you're still worried after that, set the appointment.
Whatever the Spirit prompts you to do, do that.
- Bro Jo
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