[Readers - A few weeks after our initial discussion I felt I should check in with (name withheld). When I didn't get a response to my emails, I tracked him down on Facebook. I sent him a message and asked:]
Did you make the call
- Bro Jo
A week later I heard back.
No I didn't.
As I was reading your email I realized that I didn't think that the church was true anymore. I want to believe that it's true, but I've read too many things and heard a lot of things that proved the church is false. I decided that I need to figure out what I believe in first and then worry about everything afterwards.
Well that sure makes it easier, doesn't it?
What makes it easier? Trying to decide if the faith that I'm a part of is real or not? I've spent hours at the library, institute and other areas trying to decide. It is not easy having to deal with all of my ward members and family trying to tell me how I'm going down the wrong path just because it's "easier" this is one of the reasons I didn't reply back, I've been told that I'm just being lazy and don't want to do all of the work. To me though, I have to know if it's true until I can continue to follow the church. Going against what almost everyone I know believes in is not an easy thing. Especially in Utah where I'm by three temples and almost everyone is LDS
I don't think you're lazy.
I have no doubt that you're working you butt off on this. Of course, that's not the point, is it?
Look, when it comes to the "proof" that the LDS Church isn't "true", I've heard it all, man. There's nothing you've read or been told that I can't disprove - you could too if you really wanted to . . . but, (name withheld), what you're dealing with has NOTHING to do with whether or not the Church is True.
As you're pondering that, let me ask you: why did you email me the first time?
Ok I'm confused then, what is the point?
I don't really need solid proof that the church is true, I just want to believe it's true. It would make my life a lot easier and give me a bigger purpose. For so e reason though whenever I attend church or other things I now have a dark feeling. I don't know if it's the guilt I feel from coming back from my mission earlier or if it's because of my doubts.
I think the main reason I asked you the question in the first place was because I was frustrated with my life and your blog showed that you have a lot of knowledge about the church and problems that the members face.
That's why I never replied back to the email, I didn't want to completely immerse yourself with my problem. I was getting very tired of people telling me that I was just being lazy, and then when you sent me that message saying that sounds like I was just taking the easy way I snapped, so I'm sorry about my last message.
I feel that my Stake President and I didn't leave on good terms, he seemed to be mad that I wanted to go home and I wouldn't want to get him mad again by telling him I lied about my worthiness in the first place. I just want a chance for myself to find out if the church is true, I don't have the chance though. I'm almost forced to go every week so I just feel trapped and backed into a corner.
You've trapped yourself.
Man's ability to discern the truth is called The Spirit, and you've driven it . . . you're driving it . . . from your life. You won't be able to know what's true, be it the Church or anything else, so long as you continue to shroud yourself in the Darkness.
(name withheld), you're working so hard AGAINST yourself. You said in your first email to me that you're willing to try anything, but you're spending so much effort avoiding the one thing you deep down Know that you need to do . . . the only thing that will help you with everything you're hoping for . . . the key to making the darkness go away.
I'm already immersed, my friend; if I wanted out I wouldn't have worked to find you.
- Bro Jo
3 comments:
To unready Missionary,
I know of someone who went on a mission, got to the MTC and started learning the discussions. He realized then that he hadn't been honest in his interviews. He came home just a few months into his mission to repent and set this straight. It took 12 months and lots of humility on his side to repent. He went back and became a great missionary.
And how do I know this? I was one of the reasons he wasn't worthy to go in the first place.
Listen to your heart, pray, read the scriptures. Give it over to Heavenly Father. And then forgive yourself. Repentance isn't just about Heavenly Father forgiving you, it's about you forgiving you.
Have Faith.
Thank you, Danielle, for that testimony.
Well said!
- Bro Jo
Dear confused person,
If you want to know, even if you simply want to believe, there is one way that is a guarantee. I promise, that if you thoughtfully read the ENTIRE Book of Mormon with an open mind, and the question of whether or not the church is true is pressing your heart then you will find the answer when you reach Moroni chapter 10. Take Moroni's challenge in verse's 3-5 of chapter ten and do it honestly. (also pray before and after reading each time you do). if you do this, and i promise it works because i have done it four times now, you WILL find that the Book of Mormon is true and from that you can know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints is true and that Joseph Smith was a true and inspired prophet. You doubt the church because you are in the most unstable and changing part of your life. from teen years to about thirty year's old is a rapidly changing time if life where we must question everything. do NOT give up on the church, and drop the "I have to" attitude. i know it may seem tough to participate in something you doubt, but a good attitude, and maybe just a bit of faith will help you believe. i can promise that. and also this desire you have to simply believe. just wishing you could believe is a good start. let that wish grow inside of you. (Read Alma 32 sometime). hope this helps. i have a testimony of the church that has changed my life and i hope you are able to find yours. :)
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