[Readers - this is Part 1 of a two=part column. Part 2 will run next Saturday. - Bro Jo]
Dear Bro Jo,
For a few months I've been having issues getting up for church and occasionally even skipping mutual. I've had a hard time getting myself to go to sleep before midnight or even 2 a.m. or later for about 10 months.
Anyway, now with church stuff it isn't that I can't get up, it's that I really don't like a few people at church. Specifically the YW president and some of the younger girls (I'm 17). The young women’s president says that they miss me at church, but to me it just sounds like the sort of missing someone like "One person isn't here! We MUST get them back!", but not like she really cares that it's me. She still seems to think that my reason for not going to church much is because I can't get up in the morning, and doesn't bother asking if it's anything else. Even when it clearly is.
To put it plainly, quite a few of the younger girls are spoiled brats that are too caught up in popularity and boys. I know I probably sound really judgmental, but I'm just saying how I feel.
Something that has really bothered me recently is when the YW pres said that everyone HAD to help with "New Beginnings". Aren't we in a church that believes in free agency?! She really meant everyone HAD to help, too. Unless they really couldn't be there. I usually avoid things where people say that I have to do something. I know that I always have a choice, but I really hate it when people try to take it from me. IF they had said "Will every one please help?" instead of "Everyone HAS to help" I would have been more likely to help. I'm tired of people trying to force me to do things. Isn't it supposed to be a choice, not forced? Isn't that why we went with Heavenly Father's plan in Heaven? So we could choose for ourselves?!
I do try to choose the right. When people try to restrict me and my agency, I have major problems with that.
On a little lighter note, I have a hard time dealing with most of the youth in my area and ward. I've been homeschooled for years, and their immaturity annoys me too much. I was wondering if you had any ideas on how to deal with this (and of course, the above problem)?
Sorry about ranting and whatnot. Thanks in advance, and I won't blame you if you decide to not answer or pretty much yell at me for this. Sorry and thank you!
- Name Withheld
Dear NW,
I don't know that I'm going to yell, but I will tell you that you need to make an attitude adjustment.
People aren't perfect, but the Gospel is. Don't allow your activity or attendance to be driven by the people, be involved because it's the right thing to do.
If you're having a hard time dealing with the other youth in your area that's something you need to fix, not them. Set aside your rebellious streak and try to be a little more understanding. So what if you didn't get asked to participate in the way that you like? As one of the older girls you're the one that should be setting the examples of positive attitude and volunteering for service with a smile. You're 17, no one should have to issue you a gift wrapped personal invitation.
Neither is it fair for you to burden others with assuming what's bothering you. If you need to talk, talk. If your YW Pres is irritating you, be as mature as you seem to think you are and talk to her about how you feel.
Just remember that this sweet sister has expressed concern for you (which you have to admit, is valid) and that she's probably doing this the best she can, the best way she knows how.
Now, to correct you on a doctrinal point. The phrase is "agency" not "free agency". You can chose to do or not do what you want, but you can't chose how others will react or what the consequences are.
You seem like a good person, but it also seems like you're going through a bit of a selfish streak right now . . .
What's going on?
- Bro Jo
2 comments:
Ok. I totally understand what you're going through. I honestly hated being in young women's myself. My young women's president and I had a major personality clash. (she wasn't a horrible person.. we just clashed. Since moving on from Young Women's I've grown to like her.) There was a clash between her and a few other people, and they left young women's entirely. These girls were talked negatively about by the other girls, and I didn't want to have to deal with that burden. There were cliques, I wasn't a part of any. I was very ill with a disease nobody had heard of through my time in Young Women's and the girls weren't sure how to take it, even if I tried to be open about it, so I was avoided (I was actually told that this is what they were doing by one of the girls avoiding me). That hurt. I literally didn't have the energy to make a fuss over it though, so I was just kind of alone for a lot of the time. I had adult friends in the ward who were kind and loving to me through this (and still are to this day), but none of the girls seemed to even care. This bothered me on so many levels.
Like you, I could see the level of immaturity in many areas that my fellow youth had. However, instead of simply avoiding them and thinking to myself "how stupid are they, ugh I hate this, I don't wanna be associated with this", I did what Bro Jo is suggesting and spoke up. If girls near me were talking about pointless drama, I gave them my friendly advise on how else they could handle the situation in a positive way, show my understanding (even if I still thought the situation was stupid). Sometimes I got weird looks and backs turned on me. But other times I actually got pulled into the conversation, and was looked up to. I made a more positive relationship with some of the young women that way. It really helped my over-all attitude towards the young women. None of us are super close buddies today, but it was worth it to just drop my judgments and give my helping opinion. A real burden was lifted off my shoulders that I had put on myself by doing this.
This time in young women's is relatively short in comparison to the rest of your life. You'll be moving on before you know it. But simply leaving young women's doesn't mean you'll be surrounded suddenly by people who are "mature" in your eyes. You've GOT to change how you see people in order to have a successful life in church and in the world we live in. This will take time, but ultimately I can guarantee you'll feel a lot better about people and life in general if you can manage to change your view of the world.
THANK YOU for correcting the agency term. Also, The Savior paid a great price so we could make our own mistakes and repent. In that sense, it wasn't free at all.
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