One Year Wiser

Dear Bro Jo!

So, I'm not really one to ask for help from a source outside my Bishopric, but I know lots of other people are, and that's just fine! But I do read your blogs, because I find them interesting, and sometimes even entertaining. I was just going to write you, and let you know my story, maybe it'll help you out when you give advice, I see all the time when girls and guys always say 'well my area doesn't have a lot of members, so I date non-members' and, that in itself isn't a bad thing but you have to look out for yourself and your spiritual well-being, and I know firsthand how easy it is to not realize when you don't feel it as often or strongly, because of a relationship.

Now don't get me wrong, I’m still going on a mission, the Strength for the Youth was followed and shared, but I think more detail will help. I met this girl while I was doing a community theatre show in my area, we hit it off, and I (not being all that suave, and fit, but without coordination) impressed her by being myself, more specifically I’d find junk around the dressing rooms and backstage and craft animals out of them...it's actually endearing, you'd get it if you were there, but I’d ask her 'what'll it be today?' and she'd make a request; hippo, giraffe, deer, you name it. Anyways one of the worst things you can do in a cast is date someone within, it's called Showmance, and its bad news bears. So I waited until after the show ended, and asked her out on a date. Things went well, we continued dating, and began going steady.

OK here is where the saying hindsight is 20/20 kicks in...because I slap myself in the forehead a lot over this one. around this time I lost my job, I’ve taken a year in between graduating high school, and going on my mission to save up for my mission and University if it'll stretch. Now the details are this, they asked me to change my shifts so that instead of working days, with weekends off I’d be working nights and have Friday and Saturday off. At the time I rationalized that if I had to work Sundays the job wasn't worth it, but now I think it was more because I didn't want to quit the show and not see this girl anymore. I couldn't say no because I was still within the first 90 days of employment and they would fire me if I didn't change, so I quit.

So now I’m dating this girl, no job, and meanwhile I’ve been called to the primary (AWESOME calling) and been released and called as a Branch Missionary. (Also good, but seriously, primary is the best...) I tried talking about the gospel with her throughout our relationship but she wouldn't have any of it, and usually I’m really really good about this sort of thing, and would have just bailed, but I didn't, I really liked her, and thought she'd come around.

Months passed, we became closer as people, but no headway was made as far as the Church was concerned. finally we had one of those monumental talks as a couple, it ended with me telling her I loved her, and as important to me as she is, I HAD to go on a Mission, not for myself but for other people who felt this kind of thing, but had no idea it could be eternal, it was my duty to help them be eternal families. that didn't go over well...

Now, as for those months that passed, over their course I had stopped praying regularly, maybe two or three times a week, I had stopped reading my scriptures outside of church, I was unemployed from November until May (not that I didn't try to find a job, I really did, but all I could find was handyman jobs, and those would last a couple of days at the most) my journal was lacking, the only credit I can give myself is that I went out with the missionaries often, sometimes four times a week, and bore my testimony alongside theirs frequently. Needless to say I was not doing well for a future missionary, I was coasting. And it all started with this girl. I chose her over the Lord by going steady and not focusing on my mission, I chose her over the Lord when I quit my job instead of finding a different solution to the problem. Thank goodness I saw sense and drew a line, but it was difficult. I can literally say it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life. I do still love her, it doesn't get easier, but with an eternal perspective anything is possible.

My papers are now in and I’ve started my own landscaping company, I’m still a Branch Missionary, and go out with the Missionaries just as frequently, I've been working to complete my Scripture Mastery, and I often teach twice a Sunday, also I’m beginning Temple Prep. classes in the next week or two! I think of her every day, she's moved on now, and we don't actually talk at all, the last time was when I asked her to come to a choir presentation I was in three days after we broke up, in a last ditch effort to get her into the Chapel :P she declined and said she just didn't care if there was a Prophet or anything, it didn't matter to her.

it was a hard thing to do, and I think what you do is great, because I was lucky I made it out, it took everything I had not to say I’d stay home, and I know I was foolish for going steady with a girl who just didn't want to know about Christ, and I think it's important that other people from low LDS populated areas be aware of how easy it is to distance yourself from the Lord and immerse yourself in the world. Share this with who you'd like, I don't mind. I just thought it might be able to help someone.

Keep up the good work!

- One Year Wiser


Dear Wiser,

Thanks for the email and sharing your testimony.

For the record, I advise people that it's OK to go on Casual Group Dates with not-yet-members; that the Boyfriend-Girlfriend Thing should be avoided until post High School for Gals and post Mission for Guys; and that once a person (Latter-day Saint or otherwise) reaches the "Serious Dating" phase of life, it's always better to limit that to people within your own faith, lest you fall in love and want to get married.

No guarantees, of course, but those are (IMHO) far better choices.

I'm sure your story will help others in similar situations.

God bless you, and Good Luck, Elder.

Thanks for the kind words and support,

- Bro Jo