Dear Bro Jo,
Its been almost two years since I was first introduce to your site, and I am still an avid reader. The advice you gave to me and others has helped me grow and learn so much! But with the new learning came new experiences and new trials. I hope you don't mind me asking for your help again.
College life brought new dates, new guys, and new heartbreaks. Each time I was able to stand back up and continue with my life. That is, until this summer. Lets keep it simple and say things got complicated with a lot of misunderstandings. It was really hard, and for a while I just shut myself off to the world.
One Friday near the end of July, I heard there was and institute dance, and since all of my friends were still home, I thought I'd go meet more people and start socializing again. Well, I did meet someone, I met an RM, who I started hanging out with a lot, and (since I know the argument of Guys and girls can't be just friends) We became slightly more than friends. He invited me to go to his family reunion, and everyone joked I would come back with a ring on my finger. But because I was still getting over summer heart breaks, and for his own reasons, we decided we would wait a bit for our lives to get straightened out, which may have been a mistake.
A week later, my friends came back for the college semester, and my best friend in the whole wide world comes to spend as much time with me as possible to make up for the month and a half we were apart. Well, during that week, I finally got my life in order, and was going to say something to him, when I got a note, apologizing for the fact that it was written on paper than explained face to face, that he did not return the feelings I had for him, though earlier he had.
I have begun to notice my best friend getting really close to him and he really liking her, though its only been a week since she got back. they swear they are "just friends" and invite me along everywhere, but I keep feeling like a third wheel, and an invisible one at that.
And the sad truth, though I know I shouldn't, I still like him. A lot. and I love hanging out with him, but at the same time, it hurts so much. I don't know what to do, or how to tell them how I feel.
I told my best friend how I feel, but she doesn't care. Well, her apology consisted of "sorry you feel that way."
I really want to tell him, that I still... I really don't know anymore. I am so confused, and juggling school and work and eating, (yes I have to juggle that) is not making this easier.
Thanks for your time, and thanks for all of your help both times.
Still Discombobulated in Dublin
Dear DeeDee,
Thanks for enduring! It's good to hear from you again, though I'm sorry the circumstances aren't more pleasant . . .
I have sad news: he's moved on, and as can be expected, your friend has picked a boy over you.
You're not alone.
As wonderful and charming as I am (which, let's face it, is quite!) I've had some similar experiences. One time I got "back together" with a girl I was head over heels for (on my 16th birthday, I think). The next week, while I was out of town with my family she was busy making out with my "best friend" (who, in his defense, had no idea we'd gotten together). It was all a game for her. They stayed together for nearly a year. We were in many of the same classes and activities at school, so every day was a heartache . . . for quite a long time. Well . . . at least it felt like a long time. I had a new love interest in about a month . . . but I was bitter much longer than that.
If it means anything I think she's now divorced and he's "gay" . . .
HA!
Either way, I win, because she's nowhere near the catch I have in Sister Jo (who, by the way, is a much better friend than he ever was).
So hang in there. Keep expanding your circle of friends.
Oh, and if I was you, I'd stop playing third wheel. Why should you have to endure seeing them together? (You and I both know they're not "just friends"; they can't be.)
Find some new people to hang out with. You'll be glad you do.
I'm not saying to dump her as a friend, but if they stay together for any length of time . . . well, you know.
Stay healthy, please.
- Bro Jo
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