Dance Floor Conversation

Dear Bro Jo,

I have a problem and I know just about every LDS youth does too. At a church dance you get a girl to dance but after that it is the conversation. This is usually what with holds me from asking people to dance. When I dance I don’t like to bore people with what’s your favorite color and maybe sports. After those I can't seem to hold a conversation during a dance. So how do you hold a great conversation that girls will love while dancing?

Thanks,

Speechless


Dear Speechless,

Hey, you’re not alone – the fear of having to strike up a conversation not only keeps many kids from dancing, it keeps many adults from getting married. That’s why taking advantage of this social opportunity is so important!

Two things:

     1) You’re putting too much emphasis on the importance of this moment. I know I said in the previous paragraph that it IS important, but what I mean is that The Activity is important, not every single conversation. Keep in mind that you’re just talking; it’s no big deal.

     2) You need to stop thinking about What You’ll Say, and instead focus on What She Says. That’s the Art of Good Conversation: it’s not about You, it’s about the other person. Yes, you should politely, thoroughly and appropriately answer the questions you get asked (which doesn’t mean you have to tell everybody anything they want to know), but your focus needs to be on the other person; on her interests and thoughts, not yours.

To that end, here’s:

Bro Jo’s “LIST OF STUFF YOUNG GUYS CAN ASK GIRLS ABOUT WHEN DANCING” 

(or any other time they want to start up a conversation)

  • Things that are going on in her life.

     o School
           What are her favorite classes and teachers?
           What are her least favorite?
           Where does she dream of going to college?
           What would she like to study in college?
     o Activities
           Does SHE play sports?
           Does she play a musical instrument?
           What does she do in her free time?
  • Relationships
     o Friends
           Who does she hang out with?
           Are her friends here at the dance?
     o Boys
           Does she have a boyfriend? (could be very helpful to know)
           Has she been on any good dates lately? (Imagine the wealth of knowledge gleaned from that one!)
     o Siblings
           How many?
           Where is she at in the order?
           Does she get along with them?
     o Parents
           What do they do for work?
           What are they like?
  • Things about her. (Some of these are only for the Brave and Intelligent)
     o Where did she get that dress she looks so beautiful wearing?
     o Does she like the music being played at the dance?
     o Does she go to many Church Dances?
     o What is she looking for in her “Dream Guy”?

The point is that you can Talk about LOTS OF STUFF. And the key is that when you ask her a question, LISTEN to What She is Saying, so that you can respond intelligently when she’s done. Every answer she gives you should clue you into a follow up question to ask.

(Notice that I said “ask”, not “comment”. If she asks you a question, THEN you can comment, but it is not your job to ask her questions so you can give commentary on her answers)

Even if you’re dancing with a girl you already know fairly well, you can still find out More about Her.

Oh!  And the most important thing you MUST ask Every Girl you're dancing with (unless you already know the answer):  Her Name!

Always ask that first!  "Hey, thanks for Dancing with Me.  So, what's your name?"

Don't be shy; ask her name right away!

Give it a try; and Keep Dancing!

- Bro Jo