Dear Bro Jo,
I have had a crush on this older guy since I was 14. He is now off his mission and I am almost 18. Mom keeps saying that I have a chance with him, and both his parents know that I have had a crush on him for years. They all think we'd be good together, and I really like him. He has everything that I want in a guy (you know that list they make you write at church about what you want in a future spouse.) I'm not sure if I really have a crush on him or if I'm over him.
I think I still have a crush on him, but I haven't seen him in so long that I don't know. I talk to him online (he’s at BYU-I) and we always have very interesting conversations. But now he has a girl friend. Mom and dad both say not to give up because it’s probably not going to be a very long relationship and to wait for him (after all I have quite a few years) Anyway, I'm happy for him. He seems so happy and I wouldn't want to see him sad. He’s such a nice guy that it would be a shame to make him sad. I don't know what to do. Should I wait and continue to be his friend, and let myself hurt because he'll never like me? Or should I continue to be his acquaintance and find someone else? Another problem is he’s the only guy I've been interested in from the time I was fourteen. Please Help.
-Desperate and Confused
Dear Writer,
Q. Why are so many Young Women “Desperate and Confused”?
A. Because they’re floating in a River in Egypt: They’re in Denial!
Here’s what we’ve got:
1. You haven’t seen him in a long time
2. He lives somewhere else
3. He has a girlfriend
4. He’s happy with his girlfriend
5. He’s a 21 year-old return missionary
6. Your still 17
YES! You should find someone else!
There are lots of great guys out there, open your eyes, open your world, and date some of them.
If this guy clues in some day and asks you out, and IF you’re interested and available at that time, date him, but don’t waste your time waiting around.
Sure you have a chance with this guy. So do the 10,000 eligible single young women at BYU-I that live closer to him and see him everyday . . .
No matter how great you are, and I’m sure you’re wonderful; the odds just aren’t in your favor.
Keep corresponding if you wish, but realize that he’s not your friend. At best, right now, you’re a safety-net, and you deserve better than that.
- Bro Jo
5 comments:
Don't give up girl, you can do it! And Bro Jo the Denial though its the truth its a harsh
Well you can't ecatly sugar coat it can ye?
This lassie just needs to open her eyes, the more she thinks that he's the one, the less time she has to find the one, and like Joey said, he is probly only using her as a safety net, I know plenty of guys that do it, whats harsher? Somone using ye only as a last resort? Or being told the truth? I'd much rarther the truth, and in the long run so would the lassie ;)
Bro Jo I think you need to keep your opinions to yourself. You have no authority to tell people what to do youre not even their Bishop. With all due respect, I think at best you should classify what you say as advice and not THE right thing to do. Be careful Bro Jo, this is peoples lives youre dealing with...
I welcome disagreement, but if you'll carefully read this column you’ll realize several things. 1) I clearly state that the advice in this column is for entertainment and that my opinions are not to be taken as replacement for discussions with one’s Bishop, Priesthood Authority or a Qualified Counselor; 2) I tell people upfront (actually, up-top) that I’m going to give you my opinions straight, not watered down, and that I’m going to tell it how I see it whether you like it or not; and 3) I’m not a spokesman for the LDS Church, just a member with some experience.
I submit to you that those three things are why this column is read by hundreds of people (not just youth) every day around the world. I appreciate all of my readers, and suggest that if you find some of my “advice” particularly disturbing that you may be feeling the way you do because it rings true; you just don’t want to hear it.
I believe my responses are THE right thing to do, or I wouldn't say them. Everything is clearly designated as "advice".
If I could give YOU one piece of advice: read more and chose to get offended less.
I love you even if we disagree!
Thanks for reading and writing in,
- Bro Jo
I'm with Bro. Jo on this one... his advice was explicitly solicited after all.
I've followed Dave Johnson's advice before and even though I have moral agency, it sure gave me a lot of confidence.
Something else to keep in mind here, is that the response to one question includes only a portion of Johnson's philosophy. There are other concepts at play here that can be gleaned from his other responses. For example, he believe there is no "one and only" but there are several people with whom we could develop a lasting relationship. He's just pointing out this relationship is rather tentative. The young woman (though eight years older now) could have wondered and worried for months or even a year before having figured that out.
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