Dateless Boy

Dear Bro Jo,

I turned 16 just over a month ago and have not yet been on a date. I kind of feel bad about this because I feel like I "should" date, and that I am "expected" to date. However being freshly 16, the only girls that I could ask are the laurels in my ward who are 16-18 years old and I feel a bit silly because I am way younger than them. What should I do? I don't really know many other girls who are 16+ that I could date.

I guess I feel dumb asking older girls on a date because I'm not very tall and I don't look very old (I look pretty young for my age). I figure that the 16, 17, year old girls would rather date older guys who can drive, have cars, more experienced in dating, etc.

I suppose I am lacking a bit of courage and find it a bit scary to date older women, but should I still ask these girls out, even when I feel so young and small?

From - Dateless Boy


Dear Dateless,

I think you Should Definitely date. I’m one of those old-fashioned guys that think that Good Girls deserve to be Taken Out, and that Good Guys have a responsibility to Take Them Out.

To that end, in the Jo House, boys Over 16 are Required to go on a Minimum of One Date Per Month. If our boys meet that obligation then Sister Jo and I pay for their car insurance and gas for their car.

One girl complained that Young Women who know of our rules would feel less special because we “require” our boys to date (I even go so far as to suggest to them that it’s a Priesthood Responsibility, exactly the same way I tell my boys it’s their Priesthood Responsibility to Dance Every Slow Dance with a Girl at Every Church Dance – no Sister should have to stand around, not dancing, because Good Guys have chosen not to dance). Quite to the expected contrary, the girls our boys take out are quite happy to go, because

  a) just because they’re required to ask A girl, doesn’t mean that they have to ask A Particular girl, and

  b) I think Any Girl would rather go out with a Great Guy than sit home

(Sisters, back me up here:  How many of you Girl "Dear Bro Jo" Readers that are 17 and older can think of a boy younger than you that you wish would take you out?  Comment Below!)

It’s less important that every girl you take out be a member of the LDS Church while you’re in “Casual Dating” mode, particularly if you follow the Dating Rules.

So the girls in your ward are older, so what?

If you went to Church Dances when you were 14 you had to ask girls to Dance that were older.

(Again, that’s another reason why Bro Jo recommends Church Dances)

This is no different. You’re not hitting on them. You’re not trying to be the Boyfriend. You just want some experience dating and practicing your “get to know you better” social skills. If you’re 16 and she’s 17 or 18, it shouldn’t matter.

Or, at least, it shouldn’t matter To You. If it matters to her, if some 18-year old girl won’t go out with you on a Group Date because she’s “Too Much Older”, well . . . that’s Her Problem. Don’t let it get you down.

And don’t let it keep you from asking other girls out.

For the most part, 16-year old boys aren’t really that much younger than 17-year old girls. I say “Go for it!”

(And Sister Jo is quick to add that 1 or 2 years mean nothing if it means a girl gets to go out)

Let me share with you one, I think, rather funny anecdote. When our Oldest son was 15, almost 16, he was feeling the same way you do. One day, as he and I were talking with another parent about his dilemma, one girl (who’s about a year or so older than he is) and was standing near by, commented that she felt bad for my boy. She said she couldn’t imagine going out with someone that much younger. Now, a few years later, he’s tall, athletic, successful, popular, and quite handsome (much like his father). She’d love it if he were to ask her out, and has told me so, but he still remembers her comment and, at least for now, has no intention of Ever asking her out.

Just something for the girls out there to think about . . .

Anyway, Dateless, I say “Ask Away!”.

As always: Have a Plan and Stick to the Rules.

- Bro Jo