Slim Pickings

Dear Bro Jo:

I am 17 years old, devout LDS. I'm known for being "the little girl with the big voice", because I am 4'11'' and aspire to be a national motivational speaker for a career. I am extremely happy in all aspects of my life, except the dating area. You see, Bro Jo---I live in the South. I don't live in Utah or Idaho or anywhere where there is a plethora of good, LDS boys. In my ward, I could date my twin brother or one of two boys that are also like brothers to me because I grew up with them. In my stake...it doesn't get much better. There are but a few guys my age...and you know the deal: most have girlfriends already because there are so few of the guys to go around.

Bro Jo, I am so FRUSTRATED! I try my very best to do what is right. I follow the Word of Wisdom, and I am a very good girl. I LOVE the Lord! It is very, very unfair to me that boys don't want to get to know me because of my standards and because I don't drink or do other things that are wrong. I had a boyfriend a few months back; we were watching a movie that I walked out of because there was nudity in it. While we were together, he thought I was "so noble" for walking out and doing what I believe in and wanted to know where I got my standards from. But now that we have broken up, it was "so dumb" that I would walk out. I know it was the right thing to do. I'm not worried. Because Heavenly Father also knows it's the right thing to do. But what I am worried about is whether or not I will ever find a good boy to date here in the South (which I love and will never leave)...

I know we all have trials, and believe me, Bro Jo----this dating thing has become somewhat of a trial for me in the South. In Utah---it seems like a Utopia compared to the South where there are plenty of Catholic or Baptist boys to date here, but next to no LDS ones. There is nothing wrong with that---my father is Catholic. But they aren't LDS, and they don't share our standards, nor do many boys at all understand the importance of clean language, good morals, or the importance of abstaining from alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes...

Bro Jo...I know Heavenly Father hasn't forgotten about me (I am promised in my Patriarchal Blessing to marry in the temple and I have faith I will) but WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IN THE MEAN TIME? In the mean time in my prime dating years, guys want to date me, but I can do nothing but refuse dates because these boys are simply too bad. I am so upset about dating that I don't know what to do. I am very, VERY lonely and bored, and am tired of guys using pick-up lines such as: "Hey, what are you doing later tonight? We're just wasting some time before we get drunk..." Puh-lease. I just roll my eyes.

Bro Jo, I hope you understand my dilemma and my desire to date (and marry) a righteous boy. Let's face it: dating is simply part of growing up. It's part of high school. It's fun, it's socially acceptable. And it's a very, very necessary step for me to take to find that beautiful, spiritual young man I will one day marry in the temple.

Please give me advice on what to do. I have been praying about this since I was fifteen (so I'd have a date on the day I turned 16 and could officially date)...but little did I know then that the dating pool would be so slim and so degenerate. I know there is nothing wrong with me except knowing who I am and what I want in life. Now that that's figured out, I just need to discover where the decent guys are hiding so I can snag one of them!

Sincerely,

Good Girl Lacking Good Guy


Dear Good Girl,

Well you’re certainly not lacking for words!

(Sorry, couldn’t resist. It’s a well written letter, and I appreciate that you wrote in)

And I do understand. Not everyone lives in Boise or goes to college in Provo.

Just because someone’s not LDS, doesn’t mean they don’t share your standards . . . and there-in lays the answer to your dating dilemma: when a boy asks you out insist that the date follow “Bro Jo’s Dating Rules for Teens”, and that your standards be met.

• Make certain your date has met your parents
• Date in a group
• Have a Plan THAT DOESN’T INCLUDE DRINKING OR PARTYING OR PARKING
• Be Home at a decent hour
• Carry a Cell Phone for emergencies
• Don’t date the same person twice in a row
• Insist that he treat you like a princess

(Now, you should have no problem getting a Southern Gentleman to treat you right – opening doors for you, holding out your chair, standing when you enter a room or leave the table – if this Southern Gentleman thing is a myth Bro Jo’s going to be pretty disappointed – ALL guys should be doing that stuff, following that Southern example)

All of that said, I don’t want you going on dates with Losers just to go out. I know Bro Jo is HUGE on Dating, but there are times when it’s better NOT to Date, and there are guys (and girls) who deserve to be alone forever.

Let me be clear:

DO go out with people who aren’t your Dream Body Type. “Fat” is not a reason not to date someone (neither is “Super Skinny”). I dated models and “average looking girls”; while Sister Jo IS stunning, that’s not what I love most or what’s really important.

DON’T date someone who’s not sober, or can’t stay sober. Never worth the risk, with alcohol or any other addiction.

DO go out with the Shy Person; you never know how funny they may be or the sincerity you may discover. Besides, how else are they supposed to become less shy?

DON’T date anyone who’s only focus is touching you and making out. If that’s all they want, they can get it from anyone; sure it’s flattering to be treated like you’re sexy, but if your date is only using you for their gratification, well . . . they’re certainly never going to care more about you than they care about themselves, and you deserve better than that.

DO go out with each other’s love interests. We’re not supposed to be that serious at this age, remember? And since you’re going in a group and no one intends to make out with anyone else, it’s no big deal.

DON’T date anyone Unsafe. You know what I mean? Never put yourself in a situation where the Spirit is telling you that this just can’t go well.

Date, but Be Smart. And if you can’t get anyone in your area to date by your rules, to respect your standards, then fret not; college is just around the corner.

I know you want to grow old where you’ve grown up, but that doesn’t mean you can’t leave for a while. If there are Slim Pickings where you’re going to High School, make certain that you go to a college where the LDS population is much more concentrated.

If you get into BYU: great! If not, or if it’s not the school for you, try Weber State, BYU-Idaho, BYU-Hawaii, Boise State or Arizona State. I’m a Big Fan (and Alumni) of LDS Business College in Salt Lake – check it out!

(Readers: Any other Colleges with “Large LDS Populations” that you’d recommend? Comment Below!)

Life moves pretty fast. There’s no way to predict, at just about any age, what your life will be like 5 years from now. (Think about that: how many of you readers 5 years ago new exactly where your life would be today? I didn’t, and I’m old.) So don’t get too settled on where you’re going to settle. GG, if you do become a Public Speaker you’re going to travel a lot, so where you call “home” may not be what you expect today.

Don’t be frustrated. Be Challenged! And rise to the occasion!

- Bro Jo