Wedding Plans

Dear Bro Jo,

In July I’m marrying the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met in the (withheld) Temple. I love her so much, and can’t wait to start our lives together.

The Wedding Plans are driving me crazy!

It’s so much stuff; and so much money . . . I really think this is getting out of hand. She’s the oldest daughter in her family, and my future mother-in-law is going all out. I just want to have a nice, simple wedding. What do I do?

- Overwhelmed


Dear Overwhelmed,

At this point there’s nothing you CAN do. Just sit back, buckle up, and hang on!

Unless your future bride needs you to stand up for Her wishes (like: she wants roses and her mother is insisting on lilies, although this close it’s probably too late to make a change, so just hug your fiancé and remind her that the important thing is you’ll soon be together forever).  Your job is to be happy and supportive and SAY NOTHING controversial or disruptive – really you should be saying not much of anything at all. Everyone’s on edge anyway; you need to keep things calm and smooth.

Bro Jo has always thought that one of the beauties of an LDS wedding is it’s simplicity (and affordability), but as the Church has become more a Part of the World it seems our weddings have become more worldly, even inside the Temple. Not the ceremony itself, but the Guest List; the reason some Temples have huge Sealing Rooms is that people used to have much larger immediate families, not so you can invite your elementary school teacher and 11-year old Scout Leader.

To the horror of Mothers Everywhere, here by unsolicited recommendation is:

Bro Jo’s List of LDS Temple-Wedding Suggestions

  1. Do it in one day. Even if neither the bride nor groom is not previously endowed, do the Endowment and Sealing on the same day. Whatever you’ve heard about doing both the Endowment and the Sealing on the same day being too long, or too much, or whatever . . . yeah, um, that’s bogus. Adding a Sealing at the end of an Endowment Session adds only 30-60 minutes. The REAL REASON people (and by that I mean Brides and Their Mothers) want to do the two ceremonies on separate days is because an Ornate Wedding Dress is inappropriate for the Endowment. Now if you add totally undressing and re-dressing into an über fancy wedding dress then “yes”, there’s another 60-90 minutes to be added there, and that does become a long time. I know the “Ornate Wedding Dress” is a big thing for some moms and daughters, but come on, what’s the real purpose of what we’re doing here? Save the over-priced but very beautiful white dress for the pictures and reception.

  2. Keep the Guest List Small. For the Sealing: Immediate Family and Grandparents only. Don’t invite every college roommate and mission companion you’ve ever had. See them at the Open House or Reception; they can congratulate you there. Stick to inviting people you’ll actually be bonded to for Time and All Eternity.

  3. Keep Your Party Expenses Down. I’ve yet to meet a dad who wouldn’t rather the kids had just taken a check for the reception’s expense and spent it on something practical, like Food Storage or Education or a Down Payment on a House or Condo. I’ve been to “Very Fancy Catered Receptions in Rented Halls” and “Finger Foods and Receiving Lines at the Home of the Bride’s Parents” – both were very nice, but I liked the simpler affair better.

  4. Stick to a Modest Budget. I’ve actually overhead mothers talk about how their daughter’s wedding is going to be more grand than so-and-so’s daughter’s wedding. Really? Is that important? Is that in keeping with the Spirit of the Occasion? Even if you have a lot of dough, it’s obscene to buy your daughter a Dress that costs more than a car.

  5. Remember who’s important. And that’s different depending on your role. Brides, it may be “your day”, but focus on your parents, grandparents and in-laws; be gracious and thankful. Grooms, it’s all about her; she’s your queen. Brides and Grooms together, focus on your guests, especially the elderly and those that traveled far; again: Be Grateful. Parents: don’t look at the day as a reflection on you; focus on the kids and your guests. Don’t keep your reception guests waiting for four hours so you can take another gigabyte’s worth of pictures. If you’re a shutterbug, space the Sealing and Reception several hours apart; give people time to go grab lunch and take a nap.


Let me make a few more comments about Wedding Expenses.

In the LDS Church the Sealing itself is practically FREE. There’s no cost for the Temple (they don’t even charge for parking), and you’ll never find a more beautiful building with better flowers. There’s no cost for the Sealer (in most faiths it’s expected that the minister get paid). Even if you don’t own your own Temple Clothing it can be rented for under $7 per person. The only expenses beyond that are the license and/or blood tests required by some jurisdictions; very minimal.

Most of the money spent on Weddings today goes for The Ring, The Dress and The Reception. Think about that.

I know Rented Reception Halls are Big Business in a lot of places, and that’s fine, but please keep things in perspective.

You kids that are getting married, it’s not right to “expect” that certain people buy or pay for certain things. If her parents offer to rent a hall, and they can afford it and really want to do it, then fine, but don’t make them feel “obligated”. The Stake Center Cultural Hall, a Park, the Beach, or a Home are all very nice (FREE) choices. If his parents want to buy the wedding party dinner the evening before, great, but don’t ask them to. Nothing is less becoming than a young couple demanding that people spend money on them.

- Bro Jo