Friendship Ruined?

Dear Bro Jo!

Firstly, absolutely love the blog!

So, there's this guy I've been best friends with for over a year now. Up until about a month ago we were so close. He was the one I went to when I was sad, and I could talk to him about absolutely everything. Then, about a month ago he told me that he thought he was in love with me. Don't get me wrong, he is really lovely, but I honestly don't feel the same, and I don't think I ever could (and also he isn't a member, and I really would like to be married in the temple eventually).

Anyway, this has pretty much ruined the friendship that we had. I barely talk to him at all now, and when we do speak, he always seems to give me the cold shoulder, which usually ends in an argument. I'm so upset because it feels like what we once had is completely gone, and I was just wondering, do you think the friendship will ever be the same again? Should I just leave it and stop being friends with him?

Sincerely,

Confused!!!


Dear C.,

Thank you!

(sigh)

No, I don't think your "friendship" will ever be the same again.

No, I don't think you should stop being . . . (read this carefully) . . . Friendly towards him, but Yes, I think you need to realize that what you once had is gone, just as it was destined to be.

I don't know how old you are, but (much to the chagrin and despite the arguments I get from all over the world), Guy-Girl Friendships by their very nature must either grow or die. Whether we realize it or not, people we select as opposite-sex friends are selected by us because we find them attractive. If we're either in, or become involved in, a relationship with someone else, unless that relationship is lacking in a way that we feel needs to be filled, the need for the opposite-sex friend diminishes, eventually fading into a very cordial acquaintance, if it remains at all.

And that's OK.

If you and this guy are of marrying age (post-mission for him, 18+ for you) then I do think you need be certain he isn't someone you should marry. You say he's a great guy, and you seem to really get along and have things in common . . . I think you should strongly reconsider dating him. Some times love starts small and then grows; it's very rare that the Heavens part and a voice calls down from on high "This is the man that thou shalt marry! Get thee nigh unto the Temple of the Lord!"

Don't be too superficial as you're looking for a spouse. Looks fade, shapes change, but a good heart, the willingness to put you first, and a strong testimony of the gospel go a very long way.

If you're seriously not interested, then be a good enough person to cut him loose and go find a woman that appreciates him.

Of course, if you're not marrying age, then you can forget those last three paragraphs . . . we'll save them for when you're older. Now go out and get Casually Group Dating!

Unless, of course, you're still under 16 . . . in which case I say:  "Relax. You've got tons of time before any of this is really important. Stop worrying about having a boyfriend and just focus on being really nice to everyone."

- Bro Jo