Is a Convert "Good Enough"?

Dear Bro Jo,

I just want to say a huge thank you to you for always giving me insight when I've needed it. The questions you answer are often ones that I have myself. I am the only LDS member in my family, so I feel like this is a place I can learn more.

Anyways, that is part of my question. I am kind of feeling like a second rate member, if that's even the right way of putting it. I strongly follow the rules and values the church has set, so that's not what I mean. I see all these families around me who go to church together and have activities that bring them closer together.

I don't have that.

Since my parents aren't Mormon, it makes me wonder kind of if I'm good enough to be with and marry a member. I don't know why I feel this way, I just do. I've been dating my boyfriend for three months, and its heading in the direction of marriage.

I just can't stop feeling like he could do better..someone who has a stronger family, who is in the church. I want to be married in the temple..but then again, my parents can't be in attendance. So, I guess any guidance or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Also, please withhold all my information..thanks so much for reading this!

(name withheld)



Dear Friend,

I think you're feeling the way you do because Lucifer doesn't want you to be happy.

Satan is real, and he certainly doesn't want you to be Sealed for Time and all Eternity, nor does he want you to raise your children in the Church.  You're a good person!  Anyone would be lucky to have you; don't ever allow anyone to convince you that you're second class or second rate.  In the eyes of God ALL OF US are of equal value and great worth; member or non, convert or life-long member . . . God is no respecter of persons.  Don't forget that.

For converts who's families have yet to join the Church (there's always hope!) a Temple Marriage can be a particularly sticky situation. You want to, need to, do what's right, but you don't want to offend your family.

Honestly I think the best way to deal with that is to still plan on the sealing, but have some kind of "solemnizing" ceremony at the reception. (You may not know this, but there's no moment of exchanging rings in the Sealing. You could have a "ring exchange" at the reception, or before, for the benefit of your family. For them THAT could be the wedding.)

When it comes to marriage, don't focus on what you don't bring to the party as a convert. Instead realize that as a New Member you bring an understanding of the great value that comes from things like attending Church as a family, Family Home Evening, Family Prayer, etc. that many who grow up in the Church take for granted.

With the right attitude, our trials can be seen as blessings.

- Bro Jo


Dear Bro Jo,

Ok that leaves me with a few more questions:) when do we exchange rings then, if it doesn't happen in the temple? Is there an engagement ring and a wedding ring?
I guess I'm still a little worried about how my whole family will take this.
Thank you very much for your help!


Dear Friend,

I gave Sister Jo her "Sealing Ring" (which is what she and I call it) in the elevator after the Sealing. Very informal. Some people choose to do something else, like some kind of ceremony . . . my Brother-in-law and his wife exchanged rings at the reception at her parents' home. One ring or two rings . . . I think is a personal and cultural decision.  (Many cultures don't exchange rings at all, you know; and I know lots of guys who don't wear a ring, not because they want to advertise that they're available, but because they don't like jewelry or it doesn't make sense with their job or they just couldn't justify the money for a guy's ring at the time they got married.  I myself now wear a different ring than the first one my wife gave me because, well . . . let's just say I'm not the same size now that I was then . . .)

Honestly, if you're worried about how your family will react, the best thing to do is to talk to them. Which, lets face it, you're going to have to do at some point anyway.

It will be difficult. They may act defensive. They might be mad.

It's difficult for non-Latter-day Saints to understand. They often feel that we're telling them "you're not good enough to come to your daughter's wedding". That's an understandable, even if not entirely accurate, point of view. Weddings are regarded as a family event world-wide, so not being "allowed in" can be offensive. Sometimes it's appropriate to get married civilly (by your Bishop is a good choice) and then get sealed later, but ultimately the marriage is between the man and woman and God - and THAT'S what's most important.

Talk to your Bishop.

If he says it's the right time, begin taking the Temple Preparation Classes.

And, as in all things, let the Holy Ghost be your guide.

- Bro Jo