The First Ever Sister Jo List! "What a Girl Can Do to Feel Pretty"

Dear Bro Jo,

I have found your blog a few days ago and it is amazing!!! So I have come to you with my situation.

I am a fourteen year old girl and a very active member of the church. I have blonde hair and green eyes and I come from a very small community. Lately I have been feeling very self-conscious about how i look. My mom says that I am very pretty but to me she is just saying that because I am her child so no matter what i am pretty to her. At school and at church none of the guys really pay attention to me. My mom says that its because they are scared but i am not so sure. There are two other girls at my church who are VERY girly and flirt with the guys a little too much for my opinion. And to me it seems like they almost always pay attention to them. I am a tomboy and they treat me more like one of the guys . . in a sense.

Because I live in a small community there aren't that many youth to choose from because very few are members.

My mom says that in church a lot of the adults come and tell her, "wow your daughter is so beautiful." and "She is really a pretty young women." But i still feel bad how none of the young men really notice me. I try to dress nice and i flirt a little. I smell nice and i wear a little make-up (mainly mascara). Yes i am a "late bloomer" so i have avery small chest. Does that have to do with it?

I have been to a few dances and i get asked once or twice. But i guess my main question is why don't the young men pay attention to me? Do they not like me?

Sincerely,

Not Noticed



Dear NN,

I've gotten some pretty tough letters about some pretty heavy morality issues . . . but nothing scares me as much as a letter from a 14-year old girl who's worried that she's not pretty. I think all of you are pretty. Sure, not everyone could be on the cover of a magazine, but every woman, regardless of her age, has something beautiful about her. I guess that makes me like the other old people at Church. Perhaps that's because a person gets to a certain age and the swimsuit model stuff, while still noticed (old, not dead), just isn't that impressive anymore. Perhaps it's because you realize that most of what we see in magazines and on film that is supposed to be "sexy" is fake. Maybe it's just that you get to a point where real beauty is more of a deeper, good-person, spiritual thing . . .

But I know that's not what you're looking for.

I know that girls need to feel pretty, and that many, way too many, do dumb stuff they ought not do because some boy flatters them (or because the girl thinks he'll like her more). I wish girls would stop defining themselves and their value by what's "beautiful" or whether or not guys find them attractive. But they do. We men are superficial; we notice physical things, especially when we're younger (as I said).

So I asked Sister Jo what I should tell you. She said that a girl needs to find the things that make her feel good about herself and learn to enjoy those even if the boys don't give her positive feedback. Yes, guys notice curves (especially young guys), but you don't have to be a particular shape to be beautiful or have value. Sister Jo suggested that there are lots of things a girl can do to help her feel more pretty. So, for the first time ever, here's a Sister Jo list!

Sister Jo's THINGS a GIRL CAN DO to MAKE HERSELF FEEL PRETTY

1) Get a makeover. Get together with a friend or two, preferably one who does their own makeup well, and get made up. A mom, youth leader or older sister can be a great resource.

2) Go shopping. Get a new outfit or accessory that makes you happy with how you look wearing it.

3) Do your hair. A new look can be as simple as going more curly (or less curly) than you usually are. Braiding each other's hair can not only be fun girl time, but also help you feel better about yourself.

4) Workout. Even if you play sports or dance, going for an extra run, swim, hike, or taking a dance or aerobics class will help you feel better about the girl you see in the mirror.

5) Do your nails. Fingers, toes, glossy or a little color, anything that is about spending time on you.

6) Buy some pretty underwear. (This one freaks Bro Jo out, but it's true.) If you want to feel pretty and girlie you need to get rid of the granny panties and pick up something frilly. You don't have to show anyone (Bro Jo insisted I say that), but you'll know and that will make all the difference.

The point is to feel better about yourself. When you do guys will notice, even if they don't know why. If they don't, no worries, boys are dumb anyway. Just wait, you'll get a little older and they'll figure it out. Trust me.

- Sister Jo


So there you go. I should mention one more thing: I think the best things a girl can do to show boys that she's worth the effort is 1) be worth the effort, and 2) make them put forth the effort. Don't get more dances with boys because you ask them, get more dances with boys because you're great to dance with. Be patient! You're a daughter of God, what's not to like?

- Bro Jo