When Others Let Go of the Rod

Dear Bro Jo

I am one of seven LDS members in my high school. Only a few of us though, really want to be at church on Sunday's and seminary on weekday mornings. I understand some are struggling with their faith, I've been there, but others have completely checked out. It just breaks my heart to see these kids I've grown up with have no interest in the gospel anymore.

School is an especially hard place. I am certainly not afraid to speak up and tell people I'm Mormon. I love the gospel, and I know it's true. When I get asked about those who are Mormon and why they don't follow the standards and I do, I find it difficult to come up with an answer. My peers know I won't swear, or party, in general terms, but then they will bring up these kids I've known forever and ask what they're deal is.

I try to be active in school, I'm a sophomore. I've been on student council since 7th grade. I played on the volleyball team for 3 years. I am in a service project group. I am in a leadership program at school. Also, I started doing make up for the plays and musicals. I was even voted onto the homecoming court this fall.

What my question is, is how can I continue to represent myself and the gospel at school when others are giving off the wrong impression of us as Mormons?

-What's the next step?



Dear Next,

It's tough. Know this: you're not alone in feeling alone. No one makes it harder on those of us that are trying to do the right thing than those that know what the right thing is but won't do it. And it doesn't go away as you get older, either. Sister Jo and I find ourselves constantly defending the faith and keeping the Sabbath Day holy; sports camps, ballet recitals, you name it, every event that's on Sunday seems to guarantee that we'll hear "but so-an-so is LDS and they're doing it".

It gets frustrating.

And sad. At what point, we wonder, do parents sit down and decide that worldly success is more valuable than missionary service or temple marriage? Do parents realize that when the put their 11-year old on a travel team or in a show that plays or preforms on Sunday that what they're teaching is that the Lord comes second? Do they consciously think "we want our kids to think we're hypocrites and go inactive"?

I don't know. But it feels that way.

All I can tell you is to hold true to the rod and trust that people will figure it out. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but eventually all things will come around. All three of our older children have gone through what you're going through. We've all watched as their fence-riding LDS peers have gone through the stages. You know: first acting like their not LDS by cursing and telling off-color jokes; then distancing themselves from the "goody-goody" kids, like ours; getting boyfriends and girlfriends to try and gain some social acceptance; and some have even tried to bully our kids, taking their "I'm not one of them" stance to a physical level (or at least they've tried, all the Jo boys are State Qualifying wrestlers).

Part of being an active Latter-day Saint is persecution, and that mostly comes from those trying, for whatever reason, to distance themselves from the Church and the Gospel. All I can tell you is to hold on. Don't play the martyr. Don't wallow. Don't sit their and take unfair abuse. But continue to do what you know is right; stand up for yourself and stand up for the Gospel.

(When a high school English teacher insisted on showing an R-rated movie - with sex and nudity - to one of our son's classes, he was the only one to stand and say that it was wrong. He walked out, leaving behind five LDS kids, three of whom are "active" who said and did nothing. In fact, the parents of some of those children later complained to us, believe it, because their kids were mocked for our beliefs. We live in a weird world. You might like to know that two years later he was elected Student Body President.)

Don't rub it in anyone's face, but stand firm. It may not be easy, but I promise that it will be worth it. Some day your choices and testimony will lead you to the Temple. You'll enjoy the blessings Heavenly Father has for you as his faithful servant, but you'll sadly notice that those blessings are not claimed by those that have strayed.

This, my young friend, is what the Lord means when he says "endure to the end".

People will eventually look at you and know that you are the Lord's true representative, not them. And, frankly, when people ask, that's what we say.

"How come you won't do this, but so-and-so does?"

"It's not my place to judge others. All I can tell you is that I'm doing my best to do what the Lord wants. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to be better. Some people, for whatever reasons they may have, aren't. Each has his agency."

Or maybe more appropriately for your age: "My Church believes that doing right is a choice, and that each person can chose for herself."

Hang in there!

- Bro Jo