Hating Dating

Dear Bro Jo,

I am 17, and I hate dating.

I know, I know, dating is how you get to know people and it's fun and sooner or later I'm going to get married because I'm going to date an awesome guy... But, I just don't want to date anyone that I know right now. I'm not trying to be stuck up or anything, it's just that I think that only a handful of guys around me actually hold themselves to the standards of the church, and while these guys are some of my very good friends, I don't want to actually DATE them, because we're just friends. It'd be weird. I know a few of them would jump at the chance if I said yes to them, but I really don't think the relationship would work out because he would like me more than I would like him.

I have reasons to why I hate dating.... It's just that I feel like whenever I date a guy, we break up, and then a few months later he's into sex/drugs/alcohol (or just any combination of those). My friends and I joked around about it, because it's almost like I'm jinxed.

My first love (who is/was a member... ), we dated for a year and i was completely in love with him until we broke up, and then were on and off for the next two years, and then we broke up for good (his idea) and now he's a party animal, grows his own weed, gets suspended from school for fighting (he never used to fight when we dated....) or skipping class, and his girlfriend goes about the same lifestyle. (We broke up before he made all those major changes to his life. just fyi. i don't want anyone to think i knowingly dated a loser jerkface, haha). He moved out of his house a few months ago, but from what i understand, he ran out of money and is back now. (haha boy, i can pick 'em, can't i?)

So if that didn't hurt enough to watch, the boy that I dated for a little bit during the on/off period with Boy1, did practically the same thing! Me and Boy2 did not date for very long at all, but now, about a year later, Boy2 is starting to hang out with Boy1's same party friends, and his statuses on FB have steadily become dirtier and dirtier, and he never talks to me anymore. (boy2 is not a member)

And NOW! Boy3, who I almost started dating but didn't date because he ended up going to college across the country, has become the "normal" college partier and his statuses on fb are always about what he did at last night's party, and he also never talks to me anymore either. (boy3 is not a member either)

Ok, so maybe my problem is I don't date enough people from church? But after Boy1, i just don't really believe that church guys can be that much better than school guys. Don't get me wrong, i'm getting married in the temple to a return missionary with a strong testimony, when the time comes. But for now, I'm not really planning on getting married while I'm still in high school, so dating would just be for fun. But I just feel like there's no one around here with high enough standards to date!! I'm not trying to be stuck-up... I would love to give everyone a chance, but if I already know that he's into drugs and partying and only wants me for some ulterior motive, then it's an automatic no. My stake is small, and doesn't have a lot of priests to date, and my ward is small, and my youth consists of mostly YW and a few YM.

Is it really too much to ask to want to date a nice, cute young man that doesn't drink and do drugs, and doesn't just want me to use as his trophy at school? What should I do to save my empty dating life and occupy my Fri and Sat nights?

- Discouraged and Single.


Dear Discouraged,

Of course you hate dating; you've never done it right!

Your "problem" is that you've spent most of your teen years having no idea what the word "date" means. Rather than waiting until you're 16 to go on Casual Group Dates (as has been so often suggested) you've be jumping from relationship to relationship, more interested in having a boyfriend than dating. The good news is that it sounds like you're beginning to figure it out. For starters check out "Bro Jo's Guide to Casual Group Dating" , it will help give you a good base for what you're supposed to be doing, as well as some needed guidelines.

True, some guys at Church aren't good guys, but I have no doubt that if you're going to seminary, mutual and sacrament meeting you know exactly who the Good Guys are. There are lots of Good Guys out there that aren't LDS, too . . . they should be included in your Casual Group Dating Prospects.

It doesn't take a lot of guys, just you realizing that at your age "dating" doesn't mean having a boyfriend or making out (or being a trophy for that matter); it means spending some time out with good people.

Stop thinking of guys as social tools, and start realizing that the boys you date now will be the standard by which your future spouse will be held. Want to get married in the Temple for Time and All Eternity to a man that cherishes you as a Queen and honors you as the Daughter of God that you are?

Well Thing 1 and Thing 2 aren't going to get you there, little sister. Stop "dating" and start going on dates.

- Bro Jo

PS: If you look back, you'll see I dropped "Single" from your pen name. At 17 that's exactly what you're supposed to be.