Hello there Bro Jo,
I’m a fellow teenager writing to you after having read your blog for a while (it’s a very great one I have to say) and noticing I need some help of my own after some recent events
You see. There’s this girl (non member) that likes me (and I have to admit I like her a bit too) that has asked me out. I said yes and almost instantly I felt a weird feeling that felt like it was saying “no” (and I’m pretty sure I know what that was). Now she is already saying stuff like “I love you” in a text, or “miss you”
I have met up with girl a few times before this and on those occasions we have kissed (they weren't too passionate) and held hands. Etc. but on those occasions I always felt ‘empty’ inside when I did kiss and afterwards I felt down
I’m pretty sure I know this girl is not the right one for me. Because in my patriarchal blessing it says something about a beautiful young woman and me marrying her in the temple (yay!!) but right now I just need some help in breaking up and also to help prevent events like this happening again. I don't want to be too mean to her as I am not a very good talker with girls.
I just want help with this girl so I can prevent sins that I know will tempt me if I continue down this path because I know this church is true and I have a strong testimony of the gospel. And I don’t want to lose the chance to marry a “beautiful young woman” when I am older
Yours truly,
Marcoda
Dear Marcoda,
Breaking up is tough, my man, especially if you want to maintain your "good guy" status.
Before I give you advice on this one, I hope you don't mind if I point out that: A) this is why young people should avoid the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing at your age, and B) what I've been saying to girls for years is true: don't be the pursuer.
Okay, now that I've got that out of my system, here's the key to breaking up with a teenage girl: do it fast and keep it simple.
The longer you wait the more horrific it can be. Unless she's decided she doesn't like you or, more likely, she's found someone else, she's going to be hurt and angry and mad no matter what you do or say. I'm a firm believer that there's no such thing as an amicable mutual breakup. So hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
There are some things you can say to lessen the blow. Here are some favorites (but keep in mind that Ol' Bro Jo got dumped WAY MORE than he did the breaking up):
Bro Jo's THINGS a GUY CAN SAY to SOFTEN the BREAKUP
"I think you're a wonderful girl, but I'm just not in a place right now where I want a girlfriend"
Yup. That's it. Pretty short list, huh?
The truth is that anything more than that spells disaster. Any reason you give, any explanation, is just going to make it worse. Don't make any promises you won't be able to keep, like "let's just be friends" or things you don't believe like "it's not you it's me".
Be brave. Try to do it in person.
But do it soon. Do it now.
Good luck.
Let me know how it goes.
- Bro Jo
PS: Check out our Facebook Discussion "Breakup Stories" - it might help you feel better.
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