Dear Bro Jo,
Firstly, your column really gives me a lot of strength and helps me. Knowing that there's a lot of other teens out there that are just as confused as I am (I blame boys ENTIRELY. haha) And having you there to help us all- it really does mean a lot to me.
This is a question that came up because of a blog you just posted- When is it right to go talk to your Bishop?
I was told that if ever there's anything that has happened that you just can't get out of your head or can't forgive yourself or others for, then you should talk to your Bishop. But here's the thing- my Bishop is my best friends dad, and he's like a 2nd father to me. Also, my dad is his 1st counselor. I've never committed any of the "serious" sins, but I have done a few things that, even though I've repented and asked forgiveness for, still nag at the back of my brain. But I'm so scared to talk to the Bishop, because of the close relationship I have with him. I've known him for over half of my life and I know how disappointed he would be to find out some of the things I've done.
Also, if I were to go to the Bishop and disclose things in confidence, does he have to tell my parents? Would he have to let them know? Can I just work on things with my Bishop without my parents finding out? I don't have a problem with these things anymore, and my testimony is a lot stronger than it was when I did these things- so can I just continue to move forward and not talk to anyone?
Sincerely,
Afraid of Disappointing
Dear Afraid,
In general I say talk to your Bishop. He's morally and ethically obligated to keep the conversations you have with him confidential. (There is a line if what is being confessed places another person in danger, such as potential child abuse, but typically an ecclesiastic leader will ask the parishioner to confess or give permission to him to talk to authorities. If a Bishop is not certain where to draw that line he can counsel with his Stake President; the Stake President goes to the Area Authority Seventy, and so on. The rule of thumb is often what is admissible in a court of law.)
You may want to start your conversation with your Bishop by telling him your concerns about confidentiality. Explain to him your worry that he'll think less of you or that he might run to your parents with things you'd like kept confidential. My guess is that you'll receive his sincere assurance that your discussions will be between the two of you. Depending on what you have to discuss, he may suggest that you tell your parents, particularly if it will help keep you safe or help with the repentance process.
Bishops have hundreds of conversations that they never share with the other members of the Bishopric.
If you absolutely feel like you can't talk to your Bishop, then go to the Stake President. Share your concerns with him. My guess, though, is that he'll probably refer you back to your Bishop . . . and that's a good thing.
Repentance isn't meant to be easy. Sometimes overcoming our trepidations is a large part of the process. You've already put those things behind you, and that my friend is a huge step.
Remember, its not the Bishop or our parents that we really need to keep from disappointing, it's the Lord, and he loves us, he longs for us to be happy and at peace. There's nothing better than the feeling that you've made things right with God.
Go talk to your Bishop.
God bless!
Let me know how it goes,
- Bro Jo
3 comments:
your post reminds me about a quote i read while preparing an FHE lesson on repentance:
"The scriptures do not say that we will forget our forsaken sins in mortality. Rather, they declare that the Lord will forget. The forsaking of sins implies never returning. Forsaking requires time. To help us, the Lord at times allows the residue of our mistakes to rest in our memory. It is a vital part of our mortal learning" -Elder Bednar.
Also, while there are horror stories out there, the church's handbook tells bishops that they aren't to disclose anything that is said during confessions, even to parents.
What if the bishop is your dad and you just don't feel comfortable sharing your feelings with him. It's not that I've sinned, I just feel like he's constantly judging me, even when I feel I've done something right. It;'s hard for me to go to the bishop about anything because I feel hell look at me in the same way when he's my dad. I feel like he expects me to have this great testimony and I don't think it's as strong as he believes, and then I feel weird talking to my bishop about it because I feel like he's disappointed I didn't talk to my dad first and that I cam to him as bishop instead. There are things I would like to talk to my bishop about, like my patriarchal blessing among others, but I don't feel ready for my dad to know the same things. What do I do?
-Bishop's Daughter
Dear Anon,
I think the first thing you should do is go to your dad and tell him how you feel; tell him how it's weird for you; tell him that it's difficult to draw the line between Bishop and Dad.
If that conversation doesn't bridge things to where you feel more comfortable, or if you just can't see yourself having that conversation at all (and I really think you should try), then go to your mom and tell her. You may be surprised to learn just how much insight moms have into the working of their husbands.
Still not satisfied?
You can always talk to a YW leader.
- Bro Jo
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