Dear Bro Jo . . . : Letting Him Down Easy

Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published several times a month.

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, "Dear Bro Jo" is not an LDS Church website. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

Nothing here is meant to take the place of talking with parents, leaders, or Church authorities. Please, if you need serious help, talk to a trusted adult, leader, and / or professional counselor.

Please like our Facebook page, and check it often for Discussions, Notes, Events and just General Good Stuff!

Everything here is copyrighted. If you're going to quote any part of anything here, please get Bro Jo's written permission. You can reach him at dearbrojo@gmail.com.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Letting Him Down Easy

Dear Bro Jo,

Hi! I just started reading your blog, and let's just say I think you're a genious!

Anyways, I have a question and you probably have a pretty darn good answer for me! I'm 15 (about a month away from 16) and I'm having a weird boy problem. This guy just moved here, and I'm one of his only friends. He is a good guy, LDS, respectful, and really nice.

Until about ten minutes ago, I suspected that he really liked me. Also ten minutes ago, my suspicion was proved correct by the guy himself. He flat out told me he likes me alot. This guy is 16, and thus is thinking about dating. Before I knew he liked me, he told me about this girl that he really liked, that he wanted to ask out on a date, but she was still 15. I told him to wait till she was 16 too, because that was the smart idea, right? I also told him she would admire him for waiting and keeping up with her standards. Oblivious, stupid me, however, didn't get that it was ME he was talking about! Now, don't get me wrong, I like this guy as a person, like he's my friend.

Now I know your philosophy on how guys and girls can't be friends, but I mean "friends" like he's fun to hang out with but I don't necessarily want what he seems to want--a relationship of some sort. Casual group dates, sure! More than that? I'd rather not. My question is how do I stay "friends" with this boy, without him thinking I like him (in the way he likes me)? Is there even a way? How do i not lead him on, but still talk to him and such? How do i make this new situation less awkward for me and this guy? Because right now im feeling the awkwardness to the highest level, and maybe its just me thats feeling awkward, but still, its no fun being uncomfortable around a friend. I just don't want to hurt his feeligs or make him think I don't like him at all, because I do value his friendship.

From,

To be Friends, or Not to be Friends

Dear To Be,

You're not dumb.

But guys can be.

You should still be nice to him, that's who you are, and you shouldn't change that. If he wants to take your being nice as "leading him on", well . . . there's not much you can do about that . . . except to be honest with him when it comes up.

Just tell him the truth. He's a nice guy. You like talking to him. But you don't see him as a boyfriend and, in fact, you have no intentions of having a boyfriend. When you turn 16 you'll be interested in going on Casual Group Dates.

It may be awkward, but it's better to say it, and say it clearly, than to not.

If he doesn't take it well, don't let that bother you too much. Just keep being you. Just keep being good and decent and nice.

- Bro Jo

No comments:

Bro Jo's "Dating Rules for Teens"

General
- Date in groups of 2 or more couples minimum, 3 or more couples is recommended
- Pick Up boys first, then girls; drop off girls first, then boys
- Be clean - literally and spiritually
- Plan must be pre-approved by the Parental Committee
- Borrow a Cell Phone from Parental Committee - for emergency use only
- Only date people your Parents have met (a pre-date meeting may be needed - a movie party at your house is a great way to have Mom and Dad meet all of this year's potential dates!)
- Don't flirt with another person's date - you can go out with them next time - focus on the person you're with
- Remember why you're dating: to get to know someone better, to discover what type of person you like to spend time with, and to practice this important social skill
- First Date is with Opposite Sex parent - prove that you're ready
- Keep the conversation going - spend more time asking questions than talking about yourself
- Focus on your companion - DO NOT TEXT YOUR FRIENDS WHILE OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE - it's rude and, well . . . lame
- No dating the same person twice in a row

Boys
- Home by 11:30pm
- Plan / Pick up / Pay
- Plan communicated to date - no surprises!
- Sisters deserve to go out with decent guys regularly, be one of those guys
- Chivalry isn't dead - show respect by opening doors
- It's scary to call, get over it (practice), it's your job to phone
- Be prepared Boy Scout: make sure the car is clean and has gas, be familiar with where you're going, have enough dough
- Keep dates simple and not too long
- No gifts (keep it casual)
- Meet the parents
- Minimum of one date per month

Girls
- Home by 11pm
- Know what's planned - and pre-communicate that plan to your parents
- Dress Modestly
- Teach your date that you deserve to be respected (make him open doors and insist that he use proper language)
- Don't call boys - make them call you (this is a respect tool)

Exceptions
- Formal Dates (like Prom or a Wedding) can extend the curfew 30 minutes
- Flowers may be an appropriate "gift" for formal occassions

Rules for Parents
- Set the Example (married parents should be dating weekly - if you can, occassionally make that a "Date to the Temple" - if you want your kids to go, they need to see you going - great for married-people dates - Bad Idea for first dates)
- Know your kids' friends, their dates and potential dates
- Communicate Expectations
- Help to Plan Ahead - especially in the beginning
- Discuss the Plan - offer council when asked, but don't take control
- Review the Rules
- Pray
- Don't Spy (if it's your date night too, go somewhere else - and get home before your teen)
- Wait Up - near the door, not in your bedroom
- Debrief - Discuss the date with your teen when they come home, before everyone goes to bed
- Be positive and encouraging
- Don't "arrange" dates for your kids with other parents - if the kids find out it'll be bad

REMEMBER PARENTS - You Water What You Want to Grow! (But too much water and the plant will drown.)

(Check out the "Dear Bro Jo" Fan Page on Facebook for more Great Notes!)

Disclaimer

*This website is not affiliated with the Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints, nor does it's author claim to write on behalf of the LDS Church.

for more information on The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints go to: http://www.mormon.org/

"Dear Bro Jo" is an entertainment column, and should not been used as a substitute for Professional Counseling, nor is it intended to replace conversations with one's Bishop or other Priesthood Authority.

All posts and content are the property of Dave Johnston (c) 2009-2013.

Dear Bro Jo . . .

Things to know

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Letting Him Down Easy

No comments:

LDS Rankings

Join us on Facebook!

Become a "Dear Bro Jo" Fan!

Cast Yout Vote!

More Bro Jo Stuff

___

Discovering Greatness

The Discovering Greatness Playbook