The Waiting Game

Dear Bro Jo,

I just started reading your blog a little bit ago, but it seems to be pretty effective, so here it goes.

Me and this boy have, well, had a "thing" for a while. We've never actually been "boyfriend-girlfriend," but we've liked each other, on and off, for a few years now. For a while, I was not ready for a relationship not just with him, but with anyone, so we were just good friends, although I knew he really wanted a relationship with me. Well, after a while, he went on a few dates with a girl and I went on a few dates with other guys, but I still couldn't stop thinking about him. So now, he knows that I like him and he told me he likes me, but he barely talks to me.

He says he has a lot going on, with a few church callings, and tough classes at school, but I guess what I'm trying to ask is am I waiting for something that won't happen? I know you're not psychic, but it seems you are pretty good at knowing these sorts of things. I am more than willing to wait until things calm down in his life, but I don't know if that's the best choice. This guy is an absolutely great kid. Honorable priesthood holder and has high standards, which I also have. We have so much chemistry and everyone sees it. We see each other at activities and such, and he'll talk to me and be really cool about things, then randomly just starts with one word answers. I'm getting all kinds of mixed signals from this kid. So...what I'm trying to ask is a few questions.

Should I wait until things calm down? How do I get him to realize his feelings? Should I keep trying to talk to him when he's always sending mixed signals? We have a lot of mutual friends, but he is not much of a "talk about your feelings to anyone" kinda guy. Don't know if this matters, but when he was dating the other girl a little while ago, and he would by chance talk to his best friend about it, who is also one of my best friends, he would always end up talking about me. Always.

This is kinda a weird situation with our past and everything, I about summed it up, but really, any advice or enlightenment would be appreciated.

-Need Some Help



Dear Need,

Sorry, but it matters: how old are you?

- Bro Jo



Dear Bro Jo,

Whoops. Definitely forgot about that. I'm 20, he's 23, return missionary from Italy

- Need


Dear Need,

At 20 and 23 I don't think waiting is the right choice. I think talking is.

Or better yet, kissing.

Something has to happen to move this relationship along. There's nothing wrong with giving him the "look, you like me and I like you; let's stop making excuses and move this thing forward" lecture. Put him on the spot. Want to know where he stands? Come out and ask him! "Hey, am I waiting around here for something that's never going to happen?"

And then, I say, regardless of what he says (yes, no, I don't know) you plant one on him. If you lean in close and he runs away, well at least you'll know and won't be wasting your time.

But I'll bet he doesn't.

If that's too forward for you, and I totally understand that, then dare him to make the move. "Hey, are you going to kiss me or not?"

The point is, my friend, that we live in a time when too many LDS guys are too chicken poop for their own good. They drag their feet way too much and I have no idea why. (Maybe that's what you need to ask him: "why are you dragging your feet here"?) They don't know why either. Then they find themselves 29, still not married, and write me letters wondering why all of the 19-year old girls at the university ward think they're creepers.

Guys are dumb.

You've got to communicate, whether he wants to or not. Light the fire. Put on the pressure.

Or be prepared to wait a very long time indeed.

- Bro Jo